Better and Better

That's how I'm feeling. It's like I thought I was pretty much back to my old self, and then I got better, all of a sudden, and thought, Oh yeah -- this is what I used to feel like! (And I've probably even written that before; it happened over the summer too.) Maybe it was happening steadily and then I got set back by the cellulitis and .... I feel like there was some other thing that made me more tired and slow at some point besides the cellulitis, but can't remember what it was.

Anyway I suddenly feel awake, when I wake up in the morning, not tired like I wish I could have another couple of hours' sleep -- even though I didn't fall asleep before 12:30 or 1 or so, and the alarm went off at 6:30. Actually, to be fair, I'd been feeling fine when I woke up for awhile now -- but then I'd feel tired after the kids were in school, and wish for a nap -- but not enough to blow off my plans for the short # of hours that they're in school..... Some days I bike (like today,) some days I have a job or two, and try to work in a swim or a good dog walk before or after, and other days are errand days..... Yesterday I dropped Matthew at school, squeezed in a trip to Whole Foods before my physical, stopped at the library and Grand Mart after it, came home with the stuff, went swimming and came home and took the dog for a good hour walk. So that was an errand day with good use of my in between time -- Em's science club after school enabled the walk, though!

Anyway the point of that whole description was, I'm feeling well and happy to squeeze lots of things into the day to make good use of my time. For awhile there I'd come in from a bike ride and not want to walk the dog. I'd just be tired, and want a hot bath. This was even as recently as a week or two ago -- I almost fell asleep in the tub a couple of times. Now I feel awake, well -- today I came in from a 35 mile ride and felt happy and strong walking up the hills w/Pinky. (COurse I only got 20 mins of a walk in before Em came home, but I could have done the whole hour walk. Maybe I will...she has a friend over.) It's possible that it's partly because the ride was easy -- there was a slower rider today (still recovering from having been off her leg when it was broken for a few months, a few months back) and the other two of us kept waiting for her at the tops of hills. HOwever, I still think that riding in the cold and on the hills for 4 hrs would have tired me out more a month or two ago.

I also wanted to note what I wore on today's ride, because one of the hardest things about biking in the winter is figuring out how to dress to be warm enough. My usual strategy for dressing to be warm (in the rest of my life) is to just wear MORE, but outdoor exercises in the cold weather are trickier.

First, the clothes have to be made of moisture wicking material (not cotton.) Otherwise it will absorb sweat, which will then freeze. Also, too many clothes will make you cold just the same as two few clothes. They say that you should feel a bit cold when you leave your house; otherwiseyou might be overdressed. That doesn't always work for me these days, though -- I often get a hot flash just as I'm about to leave, and then I'm happy to get out in the cold, and have no idea how I'd feel without the hot flash.....and can't wait for it to pass without missing the ride!

Anyway here's what the temps were today and what I wore. When I left the house it was in the mid 20s and sunny – and when I got home it was in the high 40s and the wind was picking up -- felt like high 30s, to me, though. I wore:

Legs -- Liner under long winter grade tights, w/ lined snowpants on top,
Feet – 2 pairs wool socks, gore arctic sox, sandals, toe covers
Top – long tank, long sleeved shirt (white Gore fitted one,)
winter grade jacket (yellow PI, ) orange winter vest on top,)
Arms – warmers (okay, L arm warmer, lymphadema sleeve on right)
Hands – winter grade gloves, & brought shells from other gloves and
put them on halfway through ride (surprised me that I needed them,
but I did!)
Head – ear warmers, cowl on top, old glasses (the progressives fog more.)
No sunglasses but that would have worked too.

Also I only drank part of one bottle and one snack (banana brd w/ choc bits melted in) I biked 32-35 miles (Mc Lean loop) at a slowish pace -- or a moderate pace with breaks.

White's Ferry Loop

Well I did it, and I didn't fall behind -- not too far, anyway. They helped. Everyone helped. It was very sweet. I thought it would be a matter of their dropping me or waiting for me -- but actually they pulled me! I didn't realize what my sore back was about until the next day. It was from drafting -- because when I draft I'm so close to the biker in front of me that I lean forward to hold the handlebars right by the brakes in case I need to stop instantly. (I wouldn't want to repay someone for pulling me by crashing into them!)

The beginning was a bit elaborate. The ride started at 8:30 from Dawson, and got almost immediately into MacArthur Blvd, a heavily trafficked street in DC -- especially at that hour, which is rush hour. I had checked in with some of the other bikers about how they handle traffic, and it turns out that they feel safer riding fast in traffic -- while I feel safer going through it slowly. That meant that I would be at a disadvantage by the time I got to the hills; I'd be behind already and no chance to catch up. (When I did this ride 2 yrs ago I wasn't worried about that. I rode slowly through traffic and the others rode the way they rode, and who cares? I was a strong rider and could catch up later.)

JOan came to the rescue (now there's a surprise!) She offered to lead the whole group on an alternate beginning which took the trail instead of MacArthur Blvd. It was the same beginning we'd ridden 2 yrs ago, when we'd ridden a century together (basically the WHites' Ferry Loop with a detour to Purcelville. This will mean something to DC area bikers.... or I guess anyone who likes playing with google maps.....) Nancy (ride leader) declined, because it had too many twists and turns after the bit on the trails -- SO Joan and I planned to meet at 8 and do the alternate beginning and meet up with the larger group after. (Joan was fine with the trafficky part, you understand. This was entirely for my benefit.)

Now you have to have a little background information to see the humor in this setup. Most people who know me even a little know that I tend to run late -- that, in fact, it takes a heroic effort on my part to get myself out of the house only 5-10 minutes later than I'd intended, and that I have clocks set fast in different parts of the house to try to help with this..... You should also know that this is one area where Joan and I are compatible, and that when we ride alone together we often start at a, um, different time than we'd originally agreed on. (That century we rode 2 years ago, for example. I seem to recall leaving a good 30-45 mins late -- but I knew I would, and had planned to meet her at her house because of it. It wasn't a big deal -- it was just us, and it was summer, so no worries about running out of daylight, as there were last Wednesday.)

So, Joan and I are tardies. Nancy, on the other hand, the leader of last Wednesday's 80 mile ride, is an early bird. The punctuality queen, I called her once. Get there early, she had said in the ride announcement for last Wednesday, and I knew she meant it.

So, when I didn't manage to get out of my house until 7:50, I knew I'd have to ride fast. Joan even sounded somber when I called to say I was leaving 10 mins later than I had planned. (It takes 20 to get to our meeting place near Joan's house.) So I hustled, but it still took me 20 minutes. And when I got there, Joan wasn't there! So I called her and she said to go ahead, she'd catch me. (She does that a lot on rides.) Well I kept seeing images of Nancy and the other riders gathering early and deciding to leave early, since they weren't waiting for us. I got to the Key bridge and under it, looked at my clock, and thought, they might have started arriving by now. I rode to the Maryland border, on the Capital Crescent trail, and thought, they're leaving now. I got to the place where I get off the trail when I'm going to see my oncologist and eye doctor and thought, they're on MacArthur Blvd by now. (I was so preoccupied with staying ahead of them that i almost missed noticing that I had gotten there in 50 mins -- it takes me an hour and 15 to 1.5 hrs to get to the doctor's office usually. Admittedly there is a little further to go on streets that I didn't go, and I am usually on my slow bike. Still, I think I was doing well!) Actually I was doing so well that Joan didn't catch me until I was done with both trails -- so I rode the first 12-15 miles by myself. She caught up just in time, actually -- just at the start of the twists and turns, which I would have had to slow down a lot to do, by cue sheet.

Anyway -- we rode a ways on our own and then checked in with the group, and decided to take a break at the top of a hill so we'd have time to catch them after we saw them coming. We found a sunny hill and took a break -- but I would not have had time to catch them withour Lynn. Lynn was riding with the group, but she's so much faster that she showed up way ahead of the rest of them -- luckily for me! (And once we started riding I found out that Lynn was using her superior speed and strength to our advantage -- she would ride ahead, pull over and park by the side of the road with her camara, and take shots of the bikers arriving! I will see if I can pilfer a shot or two for here.)

It was soon after we caught them that the hills started. I tried to pass people on the flats so I wouldn't fall too far behind on the hills...... I tried to focus on the biking and stay quiet so I could save my air for the uphill journeys. (Maybe that's why people started offering to pull me. It's a really different thing for me to be quiet. Maybe it scared them! At any rate they knew I was worried about it.)

When we got a few miles from the ferry I told Nancy not to worry about dropping me at that point; the cue sheet was straightforward, and they could wait for me at the ferry. But just when I was getting ready to ride on my own, Marla slowed down and invited me to hop onto her wheel.

This happened several more times on the ride, and I did get to talk a little..... especially at the lunch stop! And I surprised my kids by getting home a lot earlier than I had said I might.... I had said maybe 4:30-5, but in fact I got in at 3:40, only about 10 mins after Matthew.

Acupuncture update

I’ve been feeling for some time like the acupuncture I get in Vienna with Dr. Zhu isn’t working really. The first two times it felt like it caused indigestion. The doctor thought it must have been coincidental. This time (5th time) my digestion was definitely fine before I went there – and I felt something happen while I was lying there with the needles in. Some feeling both in my gut and in my mid back, behind it. She did have a needle in my belly. It’s not digestion exactly but it's around there. It's still bothering me. I wonder what it is! Anyway I had continued to go to her because of the insurance, even though the results of her treatment haven’t ever wowed me. But today I made an appt. to see Dr. Tien on Monday. His treatments cost way more, but they work. I’ve had 3, and felt like a million dollars the next day, every time. I don’t know what it is, but he has it, and she… I’m just not sure she’s doing the right thing for me.

In the end, if his treatments cost 3-4x her treatments, and they work, and hers don't, it's a better value to go to him ANYway. If hers don't work EVER, I can't even do math about it! It's just a waste of time to go to her -- or worse, it may be causing problems. That's where I'm at now, anyway.

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I've got a biking update too. (Anyone reading this interested in hearing about my biking progress, or to I babble about it too much? COurse you can always skip it if you like. I think a couple of people are still reading.....)

I reached a new milestone yesterday, my first metric century since BC treatment -- 62 miles and change. Out to Leesburg and back on the trail. I did fine, and kept up with the group. (Can I tell you, my biking is SO MUCH BETTER since the hospital visit! A nurse called me today from the hospital to check on me and I told her about it -- told her they'd better keep an eye on their vancomycin or the Tour De France people will be after it!) Anyway I did great, but there were only 2 hills, and I was careful to stay on people's wheels anytime I felt like I might be tiring, so that I would keep up instead of dropping back.

The thing is, this was a training ride for the White's Ferry Loop next Wed. That's an 80 mile ride. I'd like to ride it. I've only done it once, a little over 2 years ago. It's a lovely ride, starting in VA, getting into rural MD, over a ferry, and back to VA with a stop at a lovely café for lunch, which serves lemonade sweetened with agave nectar in the summer. HOwever -- I don't remember how hilly it is. I just wasn't worried about hills last time I rode it -- as long as there were no plummetting downhills I was FINE. GOOD at uphills, in fact; I used to catch up on the uphills after having had everyone fly by me on the freefalls. But now.... If there's a hill here and there, I'll be able to stay with the group, I think, but rolling hills will really slow me down. Rolling hills are the worst, though, because I don't get a chance to catch up. I don't want to get dropped early on and be on my own.... but I also don't want people to feel stuck with waiting for me. So -- while I bet I can DO the ride, that's my dilemma.

ON the other hand, how else to increase my lung capacity so the healthy tissue can compensate for what's been lost, but to ride hills? I have already prepped the kids about accommodating the long day I will need for the ride next Wed. Matthew will have to catch his bus that morning, because I'll have to leave by 8-8:10am -- and Em will probably come home an hour or two before me.

Actually someone told me that there may be a swimming way to increase my lung strength -- breathing every other stroke instead of every stroke. I tried it today. It's hard! I could only do it for 4 strokes at a time. So I'll keep working on that.

I'm swimming stronger, too, BTW, since the hospital. ON Sat I swam 100 lengths -- I jsut wasn't DONE after a mile! Today I got into the water a little late, only 42 mins before the whistle. I usually swim a mile in 45 -- sometimes 50 mins. But I swam it in 40 today, and kept on going til the whistle.

Cellulitis

Well I meant to post an update about the acupuncture next, but...... before I got to it something else happened.

For about 2 weeks I'd been feeling a new band of tightness along the inside of my right arm. It was a lot like the post radiation roping and tightness -- kind of like my tendon was trying to turn into a rubber band. I didn't really get why I'd be feeling that kind of thing again now, but what do I know? I figured I'd pull back against it, swim it out. That worked before. SO last Fri and Sat I swam a mile each day. The tightness stopped pulling after a few minutes of swimming, but there was a redness that didn't seem to be going away. Then on Sunday there was a hard red spot on my arm in the middle of the band, just above the inside of my elbow.


So I emailed the PT I'd had a few sessions with in Jan/Feb (before we figured out that our insurance didn't cover her & I had to stop) and I emailed my radiation onc, even though it's been 7 months since I finished radiation, and described the red protrusion on my arm. He answered promptly and predictably: "Can you come in and show me your arm?" That was Monday afternoon. On Tuesday I had 3 jobs planned, and thought I'd swim in between job #2 and #3, and see the doc after the last one, at about 2:15-2:30. I warned Em I might not make it to pick her up at 3:30, after her after-school activity. Oh boy, was that an understatement!

By Tuesday morning I had decided I didn't like the look of the thing on my arm. YOu know how sometimes in the middle of the night problems that seem small and insignificant during the day feel big and ominous? Often they quiet down by day again, but sometimes for me the nighttime questions are real questions that perhaps the chaos of my daily life had been keeping away. ANyway Monday night I was massaging my red spot, thinking it was probably something the PT could rub out, when a little voice in my head said "Hmmm, it's red, swollen and hard. What could it be?" I used to interpret for my nurse friends at the clinic, when I worked as an AIDS educator, often enough that I knew what they were going to say before they said it. This thing had all the hallmarks of an infection.

So the next morning when the PT called me back, I said, "Thanks, but I think this is one for the doctor." I also called my doctor's office, and asked if I could come earlier than 2:30. A voice in my head said "If I were a doctor and someone brought me an arm that looked like this, I'd want them in the hospital on IV antibiotics." I almost packed a small overnight bag in my car, with at least my eyedrops, but then I thought, Nah, I'm not a doctor, what do I know?

I scooted in to see my doctor after job #1, at about 9:45. He came right out and met me in a room. He took one look at my arm and said "Okay, this is serious. YOu need to go to the ER." I was not happy to hear this.... I've only ever been to the ER for my kids, and always had to wait, and wait, and waaaaitttt -- the better the patient looks, the longer they wait. And I always look fine. Even when I was in labor they didn't believe me..... When I went to the hospital to have Matthew I arrived pretty sure it was time, but got delayed by the woman taking insurance info, who said, "Yeah, this is your first, right? They all think it's urgent -- but it could be two weeks!" So.... I had always been thinking I'd like to try having a natural birth, but when I got to the midwife, I said, "YOu know, I might be interested in some pain meds, actually, if it really might be awhile." And she checked me and said "Too late, just push."

So this is where my dismay about going to the ER was coming from..... but this time was different, because my doctor walked me over to the ER. (This is a great doctor -- too bad he's my radiation onc and that's over with.....you want a doctor like that all the time, you know?)

When we got to the ER the doc said to the guy on duty "She looks good, but this is an emergency." THey took me in right away. My doctor also went in and talked to someone -- gave them my history or something. What a guy!

That was Tuesday morning. I was in the hospital until yesterday at about 3pm. (Yeah, I know -- I shoulda listened to that inner voice and packed that bag....) It's cellulitis, which sounds deceptively like cellulite, but is not, as Matthew guessed, butt fat on my arm. It's an infection. It's dangerous! It might have been caused by my picking my cuticles. Yikes! On my right hand, that is, because I have no lymph nodes in my right armpit. (Holy shit, I am going to have to figure out how not to do that!) You can't have manicures on the hand attached to the no-lymph-node arm. I didn't know that, but I might have been told; I am not tempted by manicures, so I wouldn't have paid attention. However, the picking is similar, if you think about it.....

So I spent Tuesday in the ER and Tuesday night through Thurs in a hospital room. I got 250 mg vancomycin by IV every 12 hours, 5 times. Then they sent me home with a prescription for 2 weeks of keflex. I can't imagine how one little red pill a day is going to do the job of 6 hours* of IV antibiotics...... The infection doesn't look any better to me, just different -- more contained, and taking up a smaller area, but harder and firmer, so that it burns when I extend my arm all the way. (I can still do that, though -- no restrictions. I am allowed to ignore the pain -- however, I was also told that pushing through the pain wouldn't speed up the healing. Yeah, that's my usual strategy...*In all fairness I have to admit that the antibiotics are usually given in an hour each dose, so that would be 2 hrs a day. I was starting to get a reaction, though, and needed it administered more slowly, with a benadryl. Reminded me of how I had to get cytoxan. Just my body on drugs I guess -- but of a lightweight that way.

Em had a hard time with my being in the hospital, and Alan and Matthew gave up some stuff -- Alan had to cut his workday a lot, and Matthew missed a ball game because he didn't have a ride. Thank goodness he has a friend who drives; that's how he got home from his after school stuff every day! And I was not pleased initially -- I had to call work and explain that I was bailing on jobs #2 and 3 at the last minute! But then it got interesting.

They did an ultrasound of my vein to make sure there were no clots. The guy doing it was learning and the more experienced guy was right there with him directing him so I got to learn too -- and as soon as they got past my clavicle I got to turn my head and watch the ultrasound too. And then when I got to my room I had a roommate who was an elderly Spanish-only speaker. And there I was, a Spanish interpreter who felt fine and hadn't gotten to do her last 2 hours of work for the day! I worried that it would be a problem, confidentiality-wise, for me to interpret for her, but when the doctors came in and used the phone service instead of me, the only thing they had for privacy was a curtain, so I heard everything, in two languages. So I interpreted for the nurses, technicians, nutritionist, etc. (I assumed that the docs have to follow protocol.) The nurses told the next shift of nurses about my offer, in their report about the patients on the floor. It was fun.


After I got home I found an interesting thing: I had been on a bike ride on Monday, and I went on another bike ride today. (I asked, no restrictions on activity.) I had been slow and struggling to keep up with the group on Monday, and my knee had started giving me trouble on uphills. I'd had to cut the ride short -- to 30 miles, when I'd been planning to ride 40. (I'd been riding more slowly the previous 2 weeks, losing ground, but I didn't expect to find a specific cause....) I went to the chiropractor in the evening and was surprised to hear that there wasn't anything seriously wrong with my knee...... he adjusted me and gave me exercises though. But then today I rode great, no problem riding with the group for like 30 miles. (I mean it didn't even feel like keeping up!) Today's ride was a 50, but I decided to skip one of the extra loops, so my ride was 43m. That was about where I had been at with my riding until a few weeks ago, when I started getting tired and slowing down for no apparent reason.

Well who knew? Apparently an infection DOES slow you down! I think I was also waking up more tired and sometimes nauseous in the month or two or three before my cancer was diagnosed. All those blood vessels diverted...... my body missed them! I feel like these things would have had to work harder to slow me down in the past, when I was younger. (Is it harder to detect cancer in kids, I wonder, because of that? Or maybe just high energy kids?)

Anyway that was my hospital adventure. It was fun because I kind of like medical stuff -- but I would have preferred to go the week before when we had 4 days straight of cold rain; it was NICE out the 3 days I was in the hospital! (I got out for walks -- but just once a day, for less than an hour.)

I came home with 2 weeks' worth of keflex. They tell me it won't shrink down for 2 weeks, and will hurt for a month. It only hurts when I touch it or extend my arm all the way out, though.

Chinese Medicine

My radiation burn is back to just about normal, BTW. I saw the doc Tuesday and he was happy about that. It's still itchy, but those bumps I wanted the doc to look at were gone -- which he said is good; when the cancer returns the bumps stay. Mine were itchy.... There is still some itchiness -- got to find where I put that calendula ointment Janet gave me.....

When I was in Ithaca with the 3 day viral thing, I went to see Lenny's CHinese doctor -- because of the viral thing which I wasn't sure was viral. And I learned something interesting. She took my pulses and said she felt a liver imbalance. I thought at first that it was from all the chemo, but she said, actually she's worked with a number of breast cancer survivors, and we tend to have liver imbalances -- and SHE says that this type of imbalance predisposes you to breast cancer, and her thought is that we've always had it, or had it for a long time.

She said I need to protect my liver, and recommended I quit drinking and eating fatty heavy foods. I said okay, but I don't really eat those foods, and I wasn't drinking more than one drink a few days a week (okay maybe every day when I was in New Mexico, but usually it's a max of 2 days a week -- and often none.) So I said, sure I'll stop, but that's a little change; I don't think it will fix any imbalances. She said, yes, that's a little change; the big change is emotional balancing. She asked me about emotional traumas in my life. I couldn't think of any.

However, I have been paying attention since then -- and i do have a hard time not taking it in when the kids throw their emotions at me. I have to learn to protect myself from that. I have learned not to take it in when Alan throws his emotions around, and that took a long time, since it happens so seldom it can be quite scary. But the kids.....

She recommended meditation and yoga, and qigung, which Janet started teaching me. But I wanted something more directed, so I don't fall off the wagon. It's too important; she thinks this is the way to prevent recurrence -- and Western Medicine has nothing to offer for that except tamoxifen, and maybe bisphosphinates. The balancing thing comes at it from a different angle too. SO she said acupuncture. I would totally go to her if we lived there -- because it was so clear that she knows her stuff! So I asked if she knew anyone here, and she gave me the name of a Chinese doctor who contracts for NIH. I have my first appointment with him on Monday. We will see......

We'll see if he has the experience she has with breast cancer survivors -- I'm a little worried that breast cancer survivors may gravitate more towards a woman, and so he wouldn't have much experience with them ........ Also I know he will cost more, for starters because of the cost of living here vs Ithaca...... I hope insurance will offer something -- but I'm going to do it regardless. I will know if it works, I think. I had acupuncture once before, for energy balancing (which I imagine is very similar) and I sure felt that! Anyway my appt is Monday, and it's in Bethesda, a nice ride (yeah just what I need, one more doctor on the Capital Crescent trail!) It's just 4 miles beyond the trail.

It makes sense to me that Chinese medicine might have something to offer with preventing recurrence, where Western Med really specializes in sending the big guns when there is obvious cancer present. It really resonated for me when the doctor said "Chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery is the easy part. The hard part is preventing reccurrence." I know not everyone will agree that going through those treatments is easy from the patient's point of view -- though does express to a large extent how I felt/feel. HOwever -- she may have meant from the point of view of looking at what there is that can be done, what there is to choose from. I think that's largely why going through it was easy for me (well that and the biking.) It's important to me to do what needs to be done to fix a problem, and the solution was so clear. Now....... like she said, this is the hard part. I just hope he gets it (the bethesda doc) like she seemed to. Maybe I can see her once a year too.....

Radiation Burn Return

Of course it turned out that I was in fact sick (surprise surprise! to no one but me, probably.) Perhaps the symptoms mimicked my taxol side effects because my body remembered them, someone said last night. (It sounded more plausible the way she said it.) Yesterday I was clearly better but not quite all the way -- today I do feel all better though. TOo bad we only have a couple more days here.....

I have another new thing, though. Not sure if this is because of the illness or the herbs Lenny's chinese doctor gave me for them (those are the two most plausible guesses so far) but my radiation burn is back! It came back MOnday.

I mean, my radiation was done on March 20th, and it left a nasty looking burn that took a month to heal after that. But still it's been all better for months -- just a little browner than the skin around it. And suddenly Monday night it felt itchy -- so i checked in the mirror and it was red and angry looking! I thought at first it must be because I had stopped oiling it for a couple of days while i was sick -- but I started again and the burn area continued getting worse. NOw it has itchy raised bumps along the upper edge and behind my armpit. I emailed my radiation onc, who is wonderful in person and always responds to my emails right away -- but all he would tell me is that I need to come in. (I knew he would, too......) SO I have to call tomorrow and schedule a visit for Tuesday -- just what I want to do with my time on my kids' first day of school..... and really, what's he going to do anyway?

Aches and Pains in Ithaca

Got to Ithaca yesterday for my first visit here in 2 yrs and almost immediately started feeling achey and chilled. My first thought was, it's viral, but it hasn't moved in the last 24 hrs. Not better, not worse. Like when i was on taxol a year ago. Lenny thinks maybe it's an adrenal crash. Is it possible that could cause the same symptoms as taxol?

I don't know anything about adrenal crashes. Lenny has a chinese medicine practitioner he thinks is great at diagnosing and might be able to help with acupuncture. I'm going to see if i can get in to see her tomorrow or something -- it would be nice to at least have a sense of what this is!

I did bike my first comfortable over 50 mile ride since chemo, Friday, and they yesterday I drove here -- about 320-330 miles. I do have a little sore spot under my back/shoulder bone that started at the end of the drive, but the rest of this feels completely different.

Could it be that I couldn't deal with all the side effects of chemo when i was on it, so some of it waited? THat's happened to me with emotional things before.... I didn't know I could do it with physical things, but if it turns out I did that has kind of neat implications for keeping the cancer away -- or in check -- now and in future!

Rosa Won!

I must have blogged about Rosa before..... she's on my list of "heroes" on the side, so if you want a quick description of who she is, take a peek. I used to bike with her -- but she started training for the senior games around when I started chemo, so I couldn't keep up anymore....... but she sped up more than I slowed down; most of the younger bikers (you know, my age) haven't been able to keep up with her either, for the last year since she started training.

Anyway, lookit this, she won! She didn't believe me, but I told her she might really win!

Rosa Seemann crosses the finish line first in both the 20K and 40K races at the 2009 National Senior Games, the "Senior Olympics," this week. Her times place her fifth overall in a field of 244, aged 50 to 89. She is 72 years old. She will compete in both a 5K and a 10K time trial on Monday. Sr Games: http://www.2009seniorgames.org/ BoB: http://www.babesonbikes.org/

And they say I'm inspiring!!!


Meanwhile --
I'm feeling better. Yesterday I biked 35 miles, walked 3 m of hills with Pinky, and then swam half a mile -- but the big change is, I wasn't tired during or after these things. When I was done swimming I played with Em and her friend going off the diving board. I have never stopped biking/swimming, etc, but I haven't had the energy to play for awhile. (Hey you've got to have your priorities.....) I biked faster on Wednesday, 46 miles in almost the same time as the 35 yesterday (which is why I did more stuff after, yesterday. That and I wasn't tired!)

And now -- one more dog walk and hopefully a swim too, and tomorrow we're off to New Mexico! Back on the 18th.

I'm glad I seem to be getting my energy back before the trip -- but I wonder, will that mean I get restless if I don't get my wiggles out well enough? Might it be less of an issue because their whole family is athletic?

Balancing Act

Went on a hard hill ride yesterday. Lynn led it. Lynn's always been out of my league; I could not keep up with her before chemo -- but she was testing out a new route and invited me and Joan to come with her -- because we hadn't been able to ride with her last Friday I think. It felt like an honor, somehow, so I really wanted to say yes. I like Lynn -- though I mostly know her through Joan and email contact, since I can't keep up with her for long enough to get to know her well while biking. (Now there's a motivator!)

So I arranged to ride Tuesday instead of Wednesday, & made sure Em would have people to hang with on Tuesday. Lynn rearranged her work schedule to do this at 9:30 for us instead of early early, as she usually does. And..... well..... honestly, it ended up being 50 miles of rolling hills in the blistering heat. Joan and Lynn waited for me at turns, because I fell behind on the hills. I got worried pretty early on, because I was tired by mile 5. HOwever -- though I had a hard time going up every hill, and my butt hurt, it wasn't harder going up the hills towards the end of the ride the way it was in Marshall -- it was just the same hard. And on the way home Joan and I stopped at SPokes and I got a seat cover - and it felt SO GOOD not to have pain every time I pushed down on the pedals that I sped up, and did better on the one last hill! SO, apparently the problem is not all in my lungs at the moment, but in my butt as well.

The background to that is, I've been trying a new saddle. My last one chafed on the sides. This one definitely is a better fit -- however, it's HARD. People swear by this kind of saddle, a brooks leather saddle. So I am giving it a try. However, it is possible that it won't work for me. I have a really flat butt, really very little padding on the bones. I mean, I use a sofa cushion on my seat at the dining room table..... know what I'm saying????

ANyway -- yesterday's ride was hard enough that I didn't even have it to walk the dog or swim today. I did walk her to the library and back, ~2 flat miles -- but I owed her 4. I meant to do it tonight, and it is nicer walking late at night than in the hothothot day -- but gawd, look at the time (I don't know what time zone this thing is in -- it's 1:10am MY time.) Tomorrow. I probably would have made it to do more if I hadn't gone rowing tonight -- but I had to leave for my rowing class by 5:30, and I had trouble getting going today. (Rowing is good, and I learn a lot, and it strengthens some of my muscles -- or would if I did it more than once a week, I think -- but it's never hard or fast enough to be a cardiovascular workout.) Rowing was one reason why I thought biking yesterday would work better than today -- my butt has been hurting on the boat after having spent the morning hours on a hard bike seat. It was better today.... however, the trail ride that happened today, which I missed, sounded a lot more appropriate for me. I'm up to speed on the trail rides, ahead of most, sometimes, so no one has to wait for me -- AND I don't have to get left behind. (The ride I wrote about in the last post was an exception; I've done fine since then. It was they who were fast, I do think, now, not I who was slow.)

Also, I did all right last week just walking and swimming, mostly, and biking only once. Marc and EMily were here and I wanted to spend time with them as much as possible -- and it worked. I'm hoping that bodes well for the New Mexico trip...... but we will see. I tried to get Bruce to help me figure out a workout plan, but he didn't really get it..... or maybe I have to ask him a bit further. Thing is, I get the feeling he thinks I'm just worrying, so he reassures me. But I'm worrying only because I don't have a plan, and reassurance isn't helping me because it's a plan that I need. He said I could get up at 5am and borrow a mountain bike and do 20 miles. I suppose.... maybe I could do that once if I got truly desperate. But I'm really not a morning person (I mean I'm REALLY not a morning person!) And I'm still tired from chemo -- mornings are hard. And the hot flashes that wake me in the night mean I probably take more time in bed to get a night's sleep than I used to...... and without a workout they are more frequent......

I would be happy to walk for an hour in the evenings, if there's someone who'd be interested in coming with me who walks nice and fast -- I'm not really going to be comfortable going for a walk on my own in the dark in an unfamiliar place with no dog! And I'll bring my swimsuit & hope for a pool..... He said not to rent a car, but maybe we should. I'm happy to borrow a bike to get myself to a pool or whatever, but distances are further out there I hear.

OKay I'm going to shut up now. Maybe this is a dumb blog post. Well I guess you don't have to read it.....

Falling Behind

I am a little worried about what appears to be a sudden setback in my biking pace. I've been riding in the back for some time now, but except for hill rides I've always been able to keep up with the group -- and I was even starting to ride in front for awhile there! However, for the last 3 rides I had real trouble keeping up -- and only one of them was a hill ride. Today I kept up for the first 15 miles and then I dropped so far back that I couldn't even see the group for the remaining 20 miles -- despite the big break at the bread store at mile 17ish.

It seems odd for me to suddenly be having this trouble. Perhaps it's just the pace of my healing, and the other bikers in my biking club are getting faster and stronger at a more accelerated pace (Joan's theory) -- but I have to wonder, maybe something is not right with me, beyond still-recovering. I am not sure. It does feel like it's the rest of the Babes who have suddenly grown wings, but it always feels like that when I drop back -- even back when I tried to keep up with them on my 20 year old mountain bike. (I know, I know. I was stubborn and didn't believe in the difference between road bikes and mountain bikes.....)

I'm not swimming 45 min miles anymore, either -- and I had recovered that time, post radiation -- I even did a few faster than that. Now I've slowed down again. I thought it was because I'm using the outdoor pool, which is warmer (so it's hard to remember I'm not lollygagging in the tub sometimes....) but yesterday I went with a friend and was motivated to swim fast so I could spend more time with her -- but I couldn't keep it up, the last 6th was brutal, and in the end it took me 50 mins.

I wonder, could the tamoxifen be causing part of this? (ALan's thought.) I hope not -- because I'm going to be on it for another 4.5 years. I think lung damage is a more likely cause -- then I'd have trouble getting enough oxygen to my muscles. Anyway I'd be very interested to hear if anyone knows of any other athletic cancer survivors who had this trouble after the treatment is done. I mean, I finished chemo 5 months ago, and radiation 3.5 months ago -- and I kept up with my biking club better LAST summer, while I was ON chemo. I know, it has a cumulative effect -- but this is a bit more than what I was expecting at THIS point.

Still Recovering

You know, I thought that maybe since I was in such good shape I would recover sooner than I had heard people do. My chemo fatigue was never too bad -- but it's still with me. What I hear is that it lasts for as long as you have had chemo, again. So, gee, I don't know, it could last through this coming winter I guess. Hopefully it will abate by the fall, though -- I get tired in the winter anyway. (I think it's seasonal.)

My fatigue is not bad -- because I have always had great energy -- but I don't have my usual energy now. I'm still biking 2-3 times a week (a total of 70-90 miles), but can't build up to doing a 50 mile ride comfortably, though I have been biking this amount since before chemo without more than a week and a half off at a time (one for the mastectomy and one for ice.) I rode 49 miles yesterday, and that was the first time since early on in my chemo that I'd ridden close to 50 miles (about a year ago) and it was hard! (My butt hurt. I'm borrowing these new saddles from JOan to try out on my bike, & will buy one from her if it works. They're really hard, so I'm skeptical, but they're leather, and I've met a number of people who swear by them -- they say that these saddles get dents and dimples exactly where your butt bones are and they fit perfectly after that. (Could that work? I have so little butt padding that I use a pillow on my seat at the dining room table.... could it be that if it were fitted to MY butt it would work just as well?)

Just so you know what I mean about still having chemo fatigue despite all this biking -- two summers ago I built up to longer and longer bike rides, so that in addition to the usual rides that summer I did a 60 mile ride, an 80, and finally a century. I remember clearly that the main obstacles to doing those long rides had to do with leaving the kids home alone for long periods of time, particularly Em, since she's younger. I did the century while both kids were out of town with Kathy and Ted. (My butt hurt after the century.... I remember that too!)

Anyhow, back to the present -- today I went swimming. I've been tired swimming too, and today I enjoyed it more than I have been, which is a success. (I drag myself through the mile if I'm too tired to enjoy it -- no quitting!) My arm and scar stopped hurting after 13 lengths -- a 5th of a mile. I was warned about the tightness -- it's post radiation shrinkage trying to restrict my motion. It will fail. I think I can conquer it swimming, without the need for PT, though if I need PT I will do that. I'd prefer to avoid it though because aside from the fact that I just spent over $2000 on my mouth, I'm maxing out on medical appointments. I mean even for interpreting jobs I have asked if I can have school meetings instead for awhile. I prefer them anyway, but there aren't as many to be had as medical appointments.

It's hard for me to judge where I'm at in the recovery process because I'm living with myself all the time, but I asked Joan and Rosa what they thought during a break in yesterday's bike ride. (Only Joan and Rosa and Alice and I rode the whole ride, and Alice didn't know me before chemo.) Both Joan and Rosa agreed that I was faster and stronger before, & that I am still recovering. I thought so, but I'm comparing myself to them, and they are not static either..... Rosa is training for the senior olympics! In fact, the only reason why I was able to mostly keep up with her yesterday was that her trainer had scheduled her for an easy week last week. :-D (I did mention that she's 72 or 3, right? My role model.....)

Another Cancer Story

Visited with family this weekend in NJ, for the wedding of a cousin of Alan's. It was great, neat people. There were a couple of old friends of cousin Lois there, who reminded me somehow of BarryGLennSandiDavid. At first I thought they were married, because they so obviously had this longtime relationship -- but no, they were old friends from high school! They were very interesting. It wasn't until today that I found out that the guy had lost his wife to breast cancer. It's such a common cancer, it shouldn't really surprise me; I always know that when people have lost someone female to cancer there's a pretty good chance it's going to have been breast cancer. Course it may be that more people who know a woman with breast cancer know a live one, which is more encouraging -- except that of course their stories are still being told...... so I can't really know what will happen to them either......

Anyway I had heard enough about this man's story to feel for him and his loss while I was hearing the story, but there was also this voice in the back of my head making note of the similarities and differences between my story and the story he told. HIs wife was diagnosed at stage 3, like me, and had a mastectomy and adjuvent therapy -- but the chemo came after the surgery, as it used to all the time. (Now chemo is generally given first when it's later stage, certainly stages 3-4, but even late stage 2. Maybe they will eventually come to decide that it works better to give chemo first at any stage....but the impression I had was that when this woman was being treated for breast cancer the idea of having chemo at ALL was new. But that can't be right, can it?) I had chemo before surgery -- which is a relatively new idea, and probably better. Also different chemos. And finally, it's been awhile -- she was diagnosed in 1980. (But who the hell knows?)

She was diagnosed when her kids were 2 and 7. SHe did all right for almost 10 yrs, but then it was suddenly found to have metastasized. She lived til the kids were 12 and 18. Yesterday I had heard this man's story of losing his father to the nazis in the war, and escaping to the US with his mom, who'd been thrust into single parenthood. Today when I heard his story about his wife I thought about him being thrust into single parenthood too, after he'd moved to a safe place and put together a nice life with a family. So unfair.

worries about zometa and teeth....

I know it's hard to see me in that picture on the ergometers (rowing machines) in the room with everyone -- though I am in front. I made a .tiff crop, and I can't seem to get the blog to take it (OR facebook, OR twitter. What's it FOR, I ask you??) I tried pasting it here, too -- no go. Oh well, maybe one of you guys will help me out here. (I'm not asking my kids -- don't even suggest it.....)

My molar sockets still throb -- but it's been long enough now (a week and a half) that bleeding isn't a real concern, so I can take advil and naproxen. No contest now; this is way longer than the post mastectomy pain. Go figure!

I had those molars out in preparation for taking zometa -- and I just heard a horror story about it, which is making me worried. Course it was 3rd hand, so no way to find out if there is a clear way to avoid the trouble happening (like maybe the woman who'd taken it had a tooth pulled? I was able to get it down to 2nd hand, but my friend hadn't asked all the questions I had, so no way to know that part of the story. UNless my friend bumps into this woman again and asks....

ANyhow, the story I got is that this woman took zometa and lost half her teeth -- and the other half are loose. It does have a risk of osteonecrosis of the jaw. Both my local oncologists think this is overblown, hardly any correlation between the incidence of osteonecrosis and having taken zometa. I tend to trust what an individual knows about her (or his) body over statistics. It's not easy to prove anything from anecdotal evidence until it's way obvious.....

What I did hear directly from my own personal friend about HER experience with zometa surprised me, though it was not tooth related. I was not expecting side effects, but she says she had to sleep off flulike symptoms for 24 hrs. And she took zometa a lot more often than my doctor recommended I take it, so I suspect she took a smaller dose. However -- this I can do; it's short term temporary. I just won't schedule it before a biking day, if I can manage not to. :-D

I next see my doc in a couple of weeks; I had been planning to set up the zometa thing then. I'm going to see how much I can find out between now and then...... any help, anecdotes, etc. will appreciated!!

extractions

I had my two left rear molars out last Wednesday (before I wrote that last post I think.) I'm not delighted about giving up the teeth -- and also, I did think the recovery would be quicker. It hasn't been awful, but it's lingering. The sockets throb, even now, 4 days after the extractions (and an hour after my last tylenol!) I feel like the mastectomy recovery was quicker...... maybe because they stitched the wound up? I do wish the doc had stitched the sockets up -- I keep getting food in them, and that can't help with the healing.

"Nice Haircut!"

I got a compliment on my "haircut" yesterday! I went swimming at Wakefield, and one of the lifeguards really hadn't seen me much in the last year..... maybe I'd always been wearing a swim cap or a hat. It's not my usual pool, as I said before -- but this lifeguard used to work at Yorktown, so she remembered me. ANyhow -- I got out of the water (no cap) and she said "Hey, I like your haircut!" and I looked at her, and her face was all lit up like she meant it. I said "You really do, don't you?" I decided not to spoil the moment by telling her that it wasn't exactly a haircut by choice...... so I said thank you, and went away feeling great.

It made my day, you know? I realized after that that I have seen this haircut on black women before. I hadn't thought of it til I got the compliment -- maybe because the lifeguard is black. (Her hair's long & braided, though.) Here, I'll see if I can add some pictures from this past memorial day weekend when I was learning to row. (WeCanRowDC novice training weekend)






Sorry -- that's the best I can do for these pictures at the moment.

I had my two molars extracted this afternoon. It was simpler than I thought. I hope the spots heal well and no complications. I am not real happy about having the teeth out before they were dropping out of my mouth...... I keep thinking I'll get over it. It's interesting how that bothers me (not a LOT but sort of relentlessly; every time I think about it, I'm still not happy about it) while I was always fine about losing the breast. Maybe I owe that all to the doctor who showed me the MRI right away.

He showed it to me before telling me I needed a mastectomy. I saw it and wanted that bad boy OFF! and have never looked back. Now I hear about all these women with identity issues about mastectomies. Maybe more of them would be happy to be lopsided too if only they'd gotten to see the picture of the cancer first, and choose for themselves? There was not really an equivalent thing they could have done about the teeth -- I guess they could have shown me pictures of abscesses....... but it would not have had the same impact as the MRI picture of MY breast, all lit up like the 4th of July. The abscesses were always a possible scenario, not a sure thing.

Anyway. I went on a nice bike ride this morning before the extractions -- so i wouldn't lose a workout day. Might not do much tomorrow, but I'm told I should be fine by Friday. And even tomorrow, maybe........

Chlorine

Just in case you guys thought i was exaggerating about the chlorine (I wondered, myself) Mom and I went swimming at Wakefield pool the next day (it was Yorktown that was overchlorinated) and I was fine, no breaks needed other than goggle fix breaks (think I need new ones) and maybe, you know, a break every third or quarter mile. (That's still recuperation, or lung stuff, I guess -- it's not as I was but it's reasonable, not like every lap or two like Thursday!) Also I developed a brown spot on my chin which crusted over the next morning, a chlorine burn. It doesn't hurt but it looks ugly. There were some other things too, a nick here, a sore spot there -- enough to corroborate it.

I wonder if I can get the pool people to warn me when they put in that kind of chlorine..... I am signed up for updates; they could just add chlorine updates to what they post. I'd love to go somewhere else when it's like that, next time.

Lung Scars

They showed up on the MRI of my left breast that I had last week -- but I had already been feeling them when I breathed in deeply. I got sick the week after I was in Boston, and even after I finished the antibiotics and the inhaled steroid and stopped coughing and wheezing (that took a lot longer and had never happened to me before) and got allllll better -- still I have had this lingering feeling deep in my lungs when I breathe in deeply. It's a cold/tight feeling, like when you have bronchitis verging on pneumonia -- except that I'm not sick, not at all.

I had seen my radiation onc about this already, a couple of weeks ago, and he had declined to scan me, saying that my lungs sounded to him (when he listened with the stethoscope) like the lungs of an athlete. The thing is, they SHOULD! But that doesn't mean there's nothing wrong with them. My hope is that it means I'm going to get through this better than expected -- just because that's what all the athletic stuff has meant for me so far.....

ANyway so I had a breast MRI last week, & when I saw the breast surgeon on Tuesday she told me that the breast is fine, but there are 3 spots on my lungs which look to be consistent with radiation scarring. I had the radiation onc look at the MRI as well, and he thinks so too. As it happened I went on a hard bike ride the day before I heard back from him, so when he asked me how I felt I had some things to tell him.....

I've been riding pretty well for the most part, though I am not riding in front these days -- I've been able to ride with my usual par riders for say half of a 30+ mile ride, and then with the slower ones for the other half. That's been feeling reasonable to me -- I figured chemo fatigue, and was thinking it would get better in the next 3-6 months maybe. However -- I haven't ridden many hills. I used to ride hills, but I didn't love hill rides, and my knee seemed to be complaining at the beginning of my treatment - so most of the rides I've been riding since my diagnosis have had some hills but not many.

SO I figured that there's really no mystery about why I've been lagging on the hills lately. HOwever, on yesterday's ride I realized that there is more to it than just being out of hill riding shape. The ride I was on is a special annual thing, out in Marshall. It's very hilly, so that 32 miles count for a lot more than they would normally....... It was only the 2nd time I'd ridden it, and last year I was on chemo, so I rode the shorter (20 mile) option. I had really hoped I'd be able to ride better this year, two months out from treatment (and 4 out from my last chemo!) so I rode all 32 miles, but it was frankly brutal.

It was the hills, and it was really different from anything I've experienced before -- though I've been feeling it in bits and pieces lately, a hill here and a hill there (since that's all the hills I've been riding really.) Usually hills are a challenge, but fun. Usually I don't like the "hill rides" because it's a bit scary going downhill fast. The joke about me on hills used to be that since I braked on the downhills I had to catch up on the uphills. I DID, though -- I often passed most of the other riders on the uphills, which was the only way I managed to stay with them, since they all passed me on the downhills. This wasn't like that. Hasn't been for awhile, I realized......

This time I struggled biking UP the hills, even the moderate ones, and the trouble wasn't my leg strength; it was my lungs. I even walked up one hill -- and I finished the ride last, just behind a couple of new riders. UNderstand -- it's not that I need to be fast -- but I'm unable to ride with the people I used to ride with, because I just can't keep up with them -- and I couldn't even get to know the newbies on this ride (usually the one perk of this new slower pace of mine) because I didn't have the breath to talk to anyone really. It was a struggle to just keep up...... See, keeping up was important, because Nancy and Marla were waiting for the stragglers at every turn so that we wouldn't get lost -- and I would have felt so bad about slowing them down if I hadn't been able to keep up with the new riders who were rightfully riding in back. (Yes I know, I have a reason to be slow too -- but I'd only just heard about the lung spots the day before..... so I was only just starting to understand that.)

Then today I swam, and the pool was overchlorinated. It was the indoor pool, which had been on the fritz for almost a week, so they're just getting the chlorine levels up. The chlorine in the water was so strong that it stung Mom's eyes and made the skin on my legs and arms itch........ and I kept getting out of breath. I suppose I haven't been swimming the mile straight through since my month off due to radiation scarring -- but today I had to take so many breaks that it took me nearly an hour to swim my mile. The only time that's happened before was at the outdoor pool last summer when it was overheated and I needed to take breaks to cool off........ This time I think there was too much chlorine in the air. I guess it's good timing, season-wise, because the outdoor pool is just open, so I'll be able to swim outside where the air is fresh despite the chlorinated water. Now if they would just keep the water temperature at or below 83°.....

teeth and vigilance

Those are two different topics. The tooth update is, teeth 15 and 18 are going, though I suspect they'd have quite a number of years if I left them in -- just can't promise 15-20. The periodontist was quite sure; clearly he thought it was a no brainer. He gave the teeth a "poor" prognosis for the next FIVE years! He also said that sometimes he gives teeth a "hopeless" prognosis, and then a few years later they are in exactly the same place........ Anyhow, teeth 15 and 18 are my furthest back molars on the left, since the wisdom teeth are long gone. And I had a crown put on another tooth, yesterday. That was #14. It's a temporary crown; I go back for the permanent one in a week and a half. (They have to make it.) It's quite good, I must say -- feels exactly like my tooth, except a little rough.

The vigilance is.... I'm not sure the right choice of title (though frankly I'm not sure how many people are still reading this anyway.)

I went to see my radiation onc today because I have a funny cold tightness when I breathe in deep, like when I have bronchitis-becoming pneumonia. Thing is, I don't really have any other symptoms....... and he had told me that 10% of my lungs would be affected by the radiation.

So today he listened to my lungs and said that they sound like the lungs of an athlete. (And so they should!) He said there are going to be some changes, some things that feel different, because I'm "just done" with radiation. He explained that he would still call a couple of months out "just done," and that there will be more changes in the next few months. I tried to get him to tell me what kind of changes, but I guess there's a lot of variation -- all I got was, the pectoral muscle may get somewhat hard and sore -- and it may get tighter. (Swimming will help with that -- but he said it might happen anyway.)

The other thing he helped with is my confusion about which doctor to turn to to check out which sort of issue. He said basically anything that I get concerned about in the next 3 months, I should try him first, because it's so soon after radiation. I have his email address, so I can just shoot him an email -- that's how we worked out today's appointment.

Then the final thing he helped with was my thing about how to find a cancerous recurrence in the radiated area, should one appear. He described them, but you know, I missed that stuff before..... it SHOULD be easier to find without a breast, but who the hell knows? SO he said, first of all, I should see the breast surgeon every 6 months after my MRI or mammogram, because she's great at finding stuff in confusing breasts. (Indeed, she did show me my cancer in my old "negative" mammograms -- BOTH of them.) He also said that I could schedule an appointment to see him on the same day, and he will check out the right breast post-radiation area -- since he knows well the difference between a radiation scar and cancer. (He even said that if I made an appointment and didn't show up he wouldn't be upset -- say if I was just pretty sure everything was fine. Now why can't all doctors be like that.....?)

So nice to get clarity. One more doctor to be grateful for. I have a fantasy of making up a thank you card with pictures to send to all the doctors who helped me -- and everyone else, if the cards aren't to expensive or difficult to make. Maybe this summer.

Eyes and Teeth

The eye thing is just an update. I'm going to go back on xalatan, which I'd been off for 2 months. The pressure in my left eye was up today -- only 17/18, which is within normal range for most people (10-20 is the normal range) but I've been told mine needs to stay in the low teens. That was my Boston eye doctor who told me that. My local eye doctor said, maybe not -- 17/18 might be okay. I was diagnosed with pressures of 35, he pointed out, and 17 is half of that, and we won't really know if it needs to be LOWER until I've gone through say 10 years of pressures of 17 and start to have a problem...... ha ha, like I'm going to wait for that.

I remembered that my pressures tend to be higher at my winter appointments. My doctor showed me that one winter when i worried about it. He said, look, happens every year -- probably it will be better at your next pressure check -- and indeed it was. Well today it occurred to me that the higher pressures might be due to caffeine, not winter. I think I have seasonal tiredness, and use caffeine in the mornings in the winter, and not really any other time -- except now. It's not really a big deal; I'd been told that chemo fatigue may last as long as the time I was on chemo, again. My chemo fatigue was never bad (because of the exercise I'm sure) but it was there, and it's there still, as I had been warned it would be.

I can't tell you if I am tired like when I was on chemo or more, or less -- but it's unusual for me, and I'm not sick. I'm like..... when Mom was here last summer she read and napped a lot. Well I'm doing Mom impersonations a lot these days. (I'm reading a lot, too. I've only got three more Jane Greens left -- I've read 5-6. She's very can't-put-down. The most recent two are the best -- and there's a new one coming. Her only shortcoming is, all her characters speak British, even the ones that are supposed to be American. I can ignore it, though -- though I have gotten tempted to email her with rewrites on a passage or two .......) I'm still biking and swimming and walking and everything. I'm just napping more, too, and cutting down on supermom stuff. Less shopping, less squeezing one more errand into not-quite-enough time, less cooking..... can't pretend I ever did much in the way of cleaning, so that hasn't changed. I suppose it's partly about the books I'm plowing through ..... a lot of the time I'd just rather be reading, and sometimes when you read you get sleepy.

Still there is the morning caffeine, and it's not winter anymore -- so I'm guessing I'm chemo tired. It's not awful, and it's not forever, if I'm right about the cause. SO I'm going to go back on xalatan until my energy comes back such that caffeine is back to an occasional thing. Could be as late as October. I will make sure I have an appointment to see the eye doctor after I go off it -- which is really easy, since I see him every 3 months at least anyway. The doctor did say that caffeine has been known to increase eye pressures in large scale studies. He was careful to say that doesn't prove it increases MINE -- but the winter spikes back that up, I think. (Just so you know -- I'm talking about one cup of green tea in the morning. Caffeine's always affected me more than most.)

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Now for the teeth...... I have a hard decision to make. I'm going to see the periodontist on Thursday to talk with him about it, with a couple of x-rays (including a pan) and the letter from the endodontist with his recommendations and concerns. My oncologist had sent me to the endodontist to help me make the decision about taking bisphosphinates, as there is some risk of jaw cell death, especially when there is major dental work done within 10 years of having taken a bisphosphinate. Primarily the problem happens when there are extractions.

The conclusion is, I can take bisphosphinates, but I need to do some dental work first to prepare for it. I need a crown and maaaaaybe a couple of extractions. The extractions are the big decision.... to pull or not to pull.

I have had some bone loss, and my last molars seem to have single roots rather than double roots. All my teeth have shorter roots than they should, because, apparently, my orthodontal work was done too quickly when I was 11-13 years old. The endodontist said he's worried about teeth # 15 and 18. I have no wisdom teeth, so those are my rear molars on the left side, top and bottom. I had thought he was just worried about tooth #15, but he pointed out that #18 won't do me much good without it's opposing tooth anyway. The worry is bone loss; I have had 40% bone loss around tooth #15. (not sure about 18.)

I'm tempted to gamble and keep them. I am so fastidious with my home dental care, if anyone could keep those teeth for the next 10-15 years, it would be me. But.... the stakes are high on this kind of gamble. Apparently jaw cell death is not just more bone loss, but abcesses. (I've never had those.... ) On the other hand there is only a chance that I would lose a tooth in the next 10-15 years, and if I do, having taken bisphosphinates, the risk of jaw cell death is on the order of 10-15%. It's not miniscule..... but it's not a sure thing, either. So -- it's a hard choice.

I think I have some vanity about the idea of losing teeth actually. Weird about what triggers my vanity -- I'm totally cool with losing a breast and showing it off, but talk to me about giving up a couple of molars that no one can see and I have issues.....

A Word on Vanity -- or Wearing my Battlescar with Pride

I've been going around with one boob, and not even a bra -- so forget a prosthesis. I don't even have a real one yet -- just the one I crocheted when I couldn't figure out the knit instructions Maretta sent (the link is in the comments for a post I made months ago, probably at the beginning of my treatment.) I had been planning for that to be a temporary thing, but I find myself liking the asymmetrical look more and more.

I am wearing a sports bra again, today for the first time since radiation -- My scar has finally healed enough that a bra doesn't hurt! Still, I have nothing in the bra on the right side -- because I don't have to; sports bras are flat til you put something in them.

And I find I like that look just fine. A sports bra with nothing else. Nice and easy, no extra time needed for getting dressed -- and it looks fine! I don't get all these women who worry about how they look with only one breast. I think it looks fine -- nice, even! And it's not because I'm not vain.

I didn't like the eyebrowless look. I thought I looked like an alien without eyebrows. The first makeup I've ever bought and used almost consistently was eyebrow pencil. (Okay so I wasn't real consistent. I couldn't always be bothered...... but I had a pencil in my backpack in case I ever went anywhere I wanted to have eyebrows on for -- that's pretty serious, for me!)

And then there's my thing about eye color. I could have stayed on the xalatan, a wonderful glaucoma medicine with no adverse effects except that it will probably turn my eyes brown. I went off it. Is that smart? It's not entirely stupid -- my eye pressures are okay. They were a little better on the xalatan, though..... It's just vanity really.

But I am liking the uniboob look more and more. One pretty breast or two pretty breasts -- who cares? (Okay so it's a droopy breast, as Em points out, but that's okay too. I didn't want a teenaged breast again. Been there, done that.) I don' t wear particularly loose fitting clothes, either -- now that the burn is better, anyway! (I did while the burn was oozy, because my shirts stuck to it -- and wearing gauze made it worse.) I have decided that the two boob thing is just one of those things people expect to see, and so everyone with a mastectomy tries to emulate it. It's actually not necessary, and maybe if more women went around sporting one boob, women wouldn't feel bad about looking like this the way most of them seem to.

Besides, who are we protecting, when we hide the evidence of our breast cancer? It seems to me that breast cancer is spreading rather quickly -- and that there is an increasing number of environmental factors involved. What better way to let people know that I've been there and might be able to offer some help or at least shared experience, than to wear my battlescar with pride?

sick

I just got sick for the first time since my diagnosis! It's funny -- I was soooo careful when I was in treatment that I didn't catch anything. (Okay I did get a couple of yeast infections -- but I don't think they count if we're talking about catching things. Not for me, anyhow -- I could catch one of them in a vacuum I bet.) ANyhow I did finally get sick -- but the timing is such that I don't know exactly where, who, how I got it.

See we were around all these sick people when we were out of town -- but we left a week ago Sunday morning. That's a week and a half now. Last time we saw Sandi's sick family was Friday night, almost two weeks ago now. Mary's family, who we visited with all Saturday afternoon, got sick after, but it was not the same kind of sick I got. They got fevers and aches -- I got a chest cold.

What happened to me was, last Friday I came in from a bike ride and my chest was full. That's it, no other symptoms. I read in the paper that it was a high pollen count day and thought, hmm, maybe that's it? Didn't feel like it, though -- it felt like a cold that had moved down into my chest -- except that I didn't HAVE a cold. So I tried to fend it off (cats claw and airborne) and for a couple of days it seemed not to do much. (That was okay but not great because it was supposed to be receding!) Finally Sunday night I started feeling a little achey.... so I knew it had taken a firmer hold. BY then we had visitors -- with sick kids! (COuldn't have been them, either; I already had it by then.) And don't even tell me we shouldn't have had them over. We hadn't seen them in so long that they were only a she when we last did -- and we weren't married yet ourselves. I hope I didn't get any of them sick.... course they would assume it came from their kids if I did. ANyhow, Alan did all the cooking except for the soup, which cooked for a long time.

I started coughing overnight. Coughing up blobs. Still no other cold symptoms, though. ANyone ever had anything like this? (I think I have once, and I thought it was weird then too.) I started to get tired and take naps..... On Monday I reschedulede my radiation follow up so I could stay home and be sick with EMily, who was also home sick. (slight sore throat, but mostly her tics made her tummy hurt -- and I didn't have the energy to fight her about it.) I didn't keep her much company though -- I rested a lot. On Tuesday I rescheduled my eye appointment -- It was a beautiful day but didn't feel up to biking to CHevy Chase.... or even driving. I made an appointment with the regular doctor instead, and got some antibiotics. ("You haven't been here in a year," he said, as though I'd been doing anything other than medical appointments in that year..... My last appointment with my primary care doctor was when I went in to see about the lump in my armpit...... )

ANyway the doctor wanted to give me some strong new antibiotic. I think he was worried that I might have something bigger and worse than the usual crud because of my story about having biked to all my chemos, and the fact that he could see I wasn't in that kind of shape now. However..... he said that that drug (the fancy new one he wanted me to take at first) can cause bad tendonitis if you exercise while on it. Ruptured tendons sometimes. Could I lie low for a week? he asked.

Hmm, let's think. For about one nanosecond. No, I don't think I could do that. Actually I don't think I stopped to think at all but reacted instantly with an "Are you kidding?" I mean I JUST had to lie low while we were out of town, and then I was jsut getting back into the swing of things when I got sick, so I was lying low because of that .... so, no, I was thinking more like the antibiotic fixes me and I get back on the bike in a day or two.

So he gave me azithromycin, which was what I had expected, and told me to call him if it didn't make me better in two days. I pointed out that perhaps I just do better on chemo than on a bacterial infection...... since I wasn't in fact sicker than I have been at other times when I've needed antibiotics for chest colds. It might just be about the chemo..... which was probably easier for me because I was active throughout. (In fact I am sure people will start to see chemo patients encouraged to remain active, to be active, throughout treatment. Just you watch.) They don't know about this yet -- not really. But they will. The cool thing would be if it were discovered that exercise actually helps the long term prognosis........

ANyway so I started the antibiotic yesterday early afternoon, and by evening was feeling a bit like my usual whirlwind self. THought it might be the power of suggestion or maybe the sudafed I'd taken at the same time as the antibiotic, but no -- today I woke feeling MUCH better, and went on a bike ride. It was only 28 miles (it was raining, people had to get back......) but I took Pinky for a hill walk after, for almost an hour. Now I'm tempted to mow the lawn -- which needs it all of a sudden!

Maybe tomorrow I will call the doctor and tell him the stuff worked wonders. It was just what I went there looking for, the antibiotic fixes me and I get back on the bike in a day or two. Antibiotics are just really something, aren't they? I wish chemo worked like that. POOF, gone.

Boston Visit

Em and I went to Boston last week, for her spring break. It was the first time we'd taken separate vacations. Matthew went to CHicago -- he's done that before, a couple of years ago when we went to Boston. However this time Alan didn't come with us. ALan has a new job, with only 2 weeks vacation the first year. He didn't want to spend one of those two going to Boston in the spring..... and to be fair, it actually WAS spring here, whereas in Boston.... it was still mud season. But we didn't go there for the weather.

We went to see friends and my mom, and it was great! The new thing for me was my promise to myself not to do too much. Since we lived there for so many years there are a lot of people we really want to see, but we can't always make it work -- and I used to make myself crazy trying. Well no more making myself crazy, no more trying to ve superwoman.

There were some important people it felt a bit strange not to see -- but I have seen 2 of them not too long ago, here... and we did get to see a lot of important friends, including Mary and Mustafa, who I really wanted to see this time because they are probably moving out of the country this summer. One new thing for me was, this was my first visit to the area since we left that I haven't gone to my HOUSE. This was only possible because we now have a property manager, who seems to be a real human being. (whew!) I had meant to stop by anyhow, though -- and meet at least one tenant, and the prop. manager himself. I had to cut my plans down, though......

I brought our bikes, and rode mine 4 times, I think -- EM only rode once. I had one good 30 mile ride, one ride to the clinic and back to Belmont in the rain -- which wasn't the workout it should have been, because when it rains I slow down for safety, especially when biking in traffic.

The other thing is, Em's tics have been getting worse lately...... she has this abdominal tic which makes her nauseous, so sometimes she doesn't eat much. That's not really a good idea for a growing almost 12 yr old -- so we got in to see the doctor this past Tuesday. He prescribed a couple of medications (klonipin, short term, and topamax for the long run.) I started her on them right away, but never gave a 2nd dose of either drug.

She got dizzy in school and melted down at home......... I was all set to cut the klonipin and keep her on teh topamax (the doc had said that klonipin would work immediately, but topamax would take awhile.) HOwever -- ALan found some info on topamax and porphyria, a family illness that she hadn't yet been tested for. I was hoping the doc would have her get tested for it -- but intead he just prescribed a different med. (Resperidol? Rispedol? It seems to have several spellings.....) We are looking into it before we give her any......


And now -- I'm wiped out, going to bed! (33 miles biked today. Maybe that's why?)

The Endodontist Visit

Well the bad news was what it cost, so the health related concerns are okay, I was pleased to say. (I had to pay up front and submit to insurance. Just one more thing that would, I'm sure, have been so much better covered jsut a few months ago when Alan had us on BCBS PPO. The Federal Employee plan covers a lot less. Go figure!)

Anyway, about the teeth -- the doc said I can take bisphosphinates, but first he recommends I have one tooth crowned, because the filling is large and might break, and he has a concern about tooth 15. This is a tooth way in back that my Boston dentist worked really hard on before I left...... a pocket had opened up behind it and I couldn't keep it clean, so it got a cavity -- which of course kept falling out, so in the end she drilled right up through the middle of the tooth in order to anchor the filling. That's all fine still -- and I'm not sure how relevant it is to the reason why the doctor is worried about it, but it does make me reluctant to consider getting the tooth pulled anytime soon.

See, the problem with bisphosphinates and jaw bone loss happens most often when teeth are pulled. One thing I learned today is that the bone changes caused by bisphosphinates last for 10-12 years after the person is done taking them. I forgot to ask my oncologist how long i'd be taking them for, and I suppose it probably depends on whether my dexa scan shows improvement in the bone density in my spine -- but I am going to guess 3 years, which is the duration of the study I missed. This means that if I am to keep tooth #15, I need to know that it is likely Ill be able to to keep it for a good 15-18 years. It feels solid and rooted to ME -- but I can see on the pan x-ray that was taken today that there is a good bit of bone loss underneath it (40%, the endodontist said) and the root is single, not double, as the others are.

SO I brought home a copy of the pan x-ray, and copies are going to go to my periodontist and dentist -- and my endodontist is going to talk to my periodontist. I'm happy that my teeth aren't in worse shape than this, at any rate. I clean my teeth in a careful painstaking way every night -- with floss, a hand scale, a proxabrush, and a flouride rinse. It's very validating to hear that maybe all my work is doing something. Now if only we had a crystal ball to see if that work will be enough to keep that tooth for the next 15-20 years......

bisphosphonates -- ?

I saw my doctor yesterday and the big question on the table was about bisphosphonates. I had wanted to be in a clinical trial about them, but missed it because of the extra chemo I took. (I had to start them within a certain timeframe after having stopped chemo and had surgery -- but the extra chemo didn't count, and since I had to wait til it was done, it was past the timeframe.)
HOwever, I had a bone scan which found "osteopenia" in my spine, which is bone loss. It's not wonderful, but it's not osteoporosis, and should qualify me for a bisphosphonate through my insurance. This is a good thing, because bisphosphonates seem to play a role in prevening bone metastases in breast cancer. However, there is a catch.

There is some small risk of jaw cell death associated with bisphosphonates. I wasn't worried at first, and my periodontist said I should go ahead. BUt then Alan started reading more about it, and I realized that I already have bone loss in my jaw; that is somehow part of the periodonal problem I have. (This is the one problem I have that is actually predictable because of family history -- as opposed to the glaucoma and the breast cancer, which were surprises.) My concern is that perhaps having a preexisting condition which predispose me to bone loss in my jaw -- or perhaps the fact that it's already happening to some extent -- means that I fit the profile of the person more likely to have this reaction to the use of bisphosphonates.

SO my oncologist recommended I see an endodontist for a workup. The last thing I want is more doctor's appointments, but I have to agree that if this guy has tests he can do which will tell us more about whether it makes sense for me to take bisphosphonates or not, before I take them, that would be smart -- even if we have to pay out of pocket for it. (Won't know that til after we pay and submit the request to the insurance company, which is how it goes for the endodontist.)

I've never seen an endodontist, BTW. All my problems have been perio, and dental. I did find a 2nd cavity..... The periodontist found one at my first cleaning (a week after I finished chemo) and I don't know how he missed this one, but I found it, so I'm getting that filled soon as I get back from MA, where I am off to tomorrow, with EMily. THen I see the endodontist a couple of days after that. I left room for bike rides on Wed and Fri. No time for jobs though -- we're back to that again! BUt maybe just for a week......

Anyway -- my oncologist said that it's possible the endodontist will say that under no circumstances should I use bisphosphonates at all. In that case, he said, he would recommend denosumab. He spelled it out and told me to have ALan google it. (But why stop at Alan? Anyone else wants to check it out for me, feel free -- I looked already, but the more eyes and brains, the better, especially when some of them are mine.) Apparently it has no jaw cell death side effect and MAY be the next great drug for preventing bone metastases..... but it's new, and they don't know, and it may have other issues, and in any case insurance probably won't pay unless bisphosphonates are counterindicated.....

I figured it out!

My burn is better and better. It's completely obvious that the problem was caused by the gauze. The question that was bothering me was, why did the doctor not realize that the gauze was going to cause the problem? He asked me to lie low this weekend, stop using gauze AND cut my activity level. It must be something to do with some activity I'm doing, he said. Clearly he had no idea, hadn't seen it happen before, so he figured, must be my level of activity, something none of his other patients do.

But as I biked home I knew it wasn't biking -- my arm is held well away from my side where the burn area is when I bike, and is held STILL, with my hands on the handlebars. Biking has got to be the kindest thing on the burn area just the way swimming is the hardest on it. (That's because chlorine is hard on the skin. It's getting better though -- I will swim again, maybe within the week. Still have those tegaderm bandages, and I know to take them off now, when I'm done swimming.)

Anyway, this afternoon I took the dog for a long walk -- hills for an hour. Afterwards I came home, came in, took off my sweaty shirt, patted the burn area dry, and put on more gel and a big shirt with room for the stuff to dry while I ate dinner. And I realized -- when I had the gauze on the sweat just collected. It wasn't enough that I could change the gauze without hurting my burn..... unless that was going to be my bath time. I did take a bath after the bike rides last Wednesday and Friday, and changed the gauze -- but I only did that (took a bath & changed the gauze) once in 24 hrs. I didn't take baths after every time I walked the dog, though.... even if I walked her for an hour, I didn't always get to take a bath til evening -- and I couldn't get the gauze off any other way......

It seems unlikely, especially given the high number of women in breast cancer treatment who start getting hot flashes on chemo.... but somehow I think my doctor isn't used to patients who do enough to sweat. (Weird, huh? What kinda life...... like a life without sex.....but I guess it takes all kinds!)

nudity & cherry blossoms

so the doc said I have to go around topless this weekend, let the thing air dry. I have a T-shirt on now, which is wonderful. When the gel was drying I really had to let it be naked -- and I found that I don't LIKE being naked when I don't have my skin on! I am fine with nudity generally, but going around with a bare naked gaping wound....no. I especially didn't like cooking dinner like that, with the frying pan spatter.

YOu'd think I could wait til it dries to cook, but the burn gel really takes a good hour or two to dry. Feels like your whole life when it's happening. I have never been patient, and by now I have given up on the idea of gaining patience when I grow up..... though I really did used to think it was gonna happen! Comes from growing up with a non-genetic parent I think. You think you will somehow inherit some of their traits when you grow up, but, um, doens't work out quite that way.....

Anyway I thought you guys might want to know my wound is nothing so bad as it seemed yesterday. In fact already this morning it looked better..... I had to change the dressing in the AM before the bike ride, because there was blood soaked through all the gauze and my T-shirt, and it occurred to me that if I was actively bleeding a bike ride might not be the best idea. It was soaked enough that the dressing came off easily -- and then lo and behold, it turned out that the stuff soaking the gauze was mostly not blood at all (I'd say 5% blood at the most.) So I patched myself up and off I went!

The other interesting observation was ALan's. He pointed out that the problem with the wound started after I started putting gel and gauze on, as per the doctor's orders. I suppose it's possible it was going to get bad anyway last week, but I think the gauze and gel made it worse in any case ..... I DID tell them that the gel made the gauze stick to me, and that it peeled my skin off when I changed the dressing.... but whatever; it's over now.

About the CHERRY BLOSSOMS..... I don't know if you guys all know about them, but the DC cherry blossoms are famous. BTW they are famous not because they're beautiful, but because the japanese gave them to us after WW2. They ARE beautiful, but if you saw spring here you would question the fuss about the cherry blossoms too. EVERYthing is beautiful! I've never lived anywhere that wakes up and comes into bloom the way it does here. The cherry blossoms are great, but about 50% of the other stuff that comes into bloom sometime in the spring is even better. Personally, if I had to choose a tree to have a festival about here it would be redbuds. They are this small tree that blooms later (another week or two maybe?) They start out with a purple outline that feels like it's in your head..... and then it gets big enough that it's clearly real. Later they are full blossoms -- and in the summer the leaves are heart shaped. We planted one out in front of the house last summer (a present from the Birchells when they moved away) and it looks like it wintered over okay -- so I expect a purple outline any day now..... The magnolias are beautiful, too.

Anyway the cherry blossom festival starts tomorrow -- and we went on a blossom ride today. I thought the trees would be in bloom because I'd seen one in the next neighborhod over, on a dog walk. However I found out an interesting thing. Weeping cherries are in bloom now. They are LOVELY. Much lovelier than the regular kind, I personally think -- but I just love anything that grows in that droopy way. (Every seen a weeping pine? Omigod!) However, the NON weeping cherries are not in bloom yet. They were bare trees with buds, all of them. Luckily we passed a few lovely weeping cherries as well -- someone took pictures.

WARNING don't eat while reading GROSS DESCRIPTION in this post

The bleeding was worse today, and the bloody area larger. The bathtub looked sobering when I got out.... You know those TV shows where people commit suicide by cutting themselves in the bathtub? Yeah, extremely gross. Well the tub made me think of those scenarios when I stood up in it today -- though to be fair it was more brown than red. (I was getting ready to worry about blood loss, and then I realized I haven't had a period since last June..... and it probably wasn't even one period's worth.) Anyway, I called the doctor after the bath..... he wants me to come in, of course. The thing is, no way will he be able to see it without putting me into excruciating pain. Except maaaybe....

I dried the area before putting gauze on. When it was dry enough I put a layer of antibiotic ointment followed by a layer of burn gel -- and then let it dry some more. I was probably walking around with half a shirt on for a good 45 mins. THEN I put on an OIL soluble burn ointment, before putting the gauze on. SO one can hope that the gauze will peel off enough for a good look inside without taking the scabbing off with it......

Also there is a cherry blossom bike ride tomorrow morning I'm going to go to first. Last year I missed the cherry blossom ride to have the suspicious lymph node removed -- which led to my diagnosis. I'll be damned if I'm going to miss a SECOND cherry blossom ride a YEAR LATER because of the same disease! Luckily the doctor thought that was completely reasonable, and said I can come at 1pm with my bike. Whew!

radiation burn

I guess the doc wasn't exaggerating when he said it would get worse for 7-10 days. At this point I can only get the gauze off in the bath. (Now THERE's a way to make sure I take one daily!) Today when the gauze came off (in the bath, on its own, I didn't pull...) it was quite bloody under my armpit. The spot on my chest is much better though -- and the middle is mostly just peeling. I don't like the smell -- like a hospital. Doesn't look or smell infected, though -- I think this is what they expected. It's pretty gross, though. It ought to be better enough for a photo op by 4/2, though -- a year since my diagnosis. I'll try to remember to get one taken then.

I went on a great bike ride today -- 33 miles -- and came home with 2.5 loaves of bread. I can feel it in my legs and I'm nice and tired. Might have to wait til the AM to have the energy to write the ride report, though. :-D (ENergy is funny that way....)

Speaking of energy, I got this fabulous waterproof Iron Woman watch in the mail. It screamed Natasha at me (my swimming mentor!) and sure enough I found her name on it. However, when I thanked her she said it was a joint present from her, Lori, Sandi, Jim, David Gillman and David Osofsky. WOW! I don't know what I ever did to deserve such a cool present -- but I will try to do it justice. Thanks guys. I'm thinking Natasha thought of it maybe when I posted something to FB about having swum a mile in 35-38 minutes.....

I'm liking having my mornings back though. Yesterday am I got a nap. Today I went for a bike ride. Tomorrow maybe another nap? Actually I had a nap this afternoon too..... it was unplanned; Emily came home with a sewing project. I lay on one sofa while she did her homework on the other. I didn't even see her move to the TV room with her sewing.... next thing I knew ALan was calling to say he was on his way home. I won't dare swim with the burn as bad as it is, and in just the place where I would need to move the most (so a tegaderm bandage might not feel good.) However, on non biking days I've been walking, say an hour and a half, with the dog. SHE thinks it's great!