Another Cancer Story

Visited with family this weekend in NJ, for the wedding of a cousin of Alan's. It was great, neat people. There were a couple of old friends of cousin Lois there, who reminded me somehow of BarryGLennSandiDavid. At first I thought they were married, because they so obviously had this longtime relationship -- but no, they were old friends from high school! They were very interesting. It wasn't until today that I found out that the guy had lost his wife to breast cancer. It's such a common cancer, it shouldn't really surprise me; I always know that when people have lost someone female to cancer there's a pretty good chance it's going to have been breast cancer. Course it may be that more people who know a woman with breast cancer know a live one, which is more encouraging -- except that of course their stories are still being told...... so I can't really know what will happen to them either......

Anyway I had heard enough about this man's story to feel for him and his loss while I was hearing the story, but there was also this voice in the back of my head making note of the similarities and differences between my story and the story he told. HIs wife was diagnosed at stage 3, like me, and had a mastectomy and adjuvent therapy -- but the chemo came after the surgery, as it used to all the time. (Now chemo is generally given first when it's later stage, certainly stages 3-4, but even late stage 2. Maybe they will eventually come to decide that it works better to give chemo first at any stage....but the impression I had was that when this woman was being treated for breast cancer the idea of having chemo at ALL was new. But that can't be right, can it?) I had chemo before surgery -- which is a relatively new idea, and probably better. Also different chemos. And finally, it's been awhile -- she was diagnosed in 1980. (But who the hell knows?)

She was diagnosed when her kids were 2 and 7. SHe did all right for almost 10 yrs, but then it was suddenly found to have metastasized. She lived til the kids were 12 and 18. Yesterday I had heard this man's story of losing his father to the nazis in the war, and escaping to the US with his mom, who'd been thrust into single parenthood. Today when I heard his story about his wife I thought about him being thrust into single parenthood too, after he'd moved to a safe place and put together a nice life with a family. So unfair.