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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Still Recovering

You know, I thought that maybe since I was in such good shape I would recover sooner than I had heard people do. My chemo fatigue was never too bad -- but it's still with me. What I hear is that it lasts for as long as you have had chemo, again. So, gee, I don't know, it could last through this coming winter I guess. Hopefully it will abate by the fall, though -- I get tired in the winter anyway. (I think it's seasonal.)

My fatigue is not bad -- because I have always had great energy -- but I don't have my usual energy now. I'm still biking 2-3 times a week (a total of 70-90 miles), but can't build up to doing a 50 mile ride comfortably, though I have been biking this amount since before chemo without more than a week and a half off at a time (one for the mastectomy and one for ice.) I rode 49 miles yesterday, and that was the first time since early on in my chemo that I'd ridden close to 50 miles (about a year ago) and it was hard! (My butt hurt. I'm borrowing these new saddles from JOan to try out on my bike, & will buy one from her if it works. They're really hard, so I'm skeptical, but they're leather, and I've met a number of people who swear by them -- they say that these saddles get dents and dimples exactly where your butt bones are and they fit perfectly after that. (Could that work? I have so little butt padding that I use a pillow on my seat at the dining room table.... could it be that if it were fitted to MY butt it would work just as well?)

Just so you know what I mean about still having chemo fatigue despite all this biking -- two summers ago I built up to longer and longer bike rides, so that in addition to the usual rides that summer I did a 60 mile ride, an 80, and finally a century. I remember clearly that the main obstacles to doing those long rides had to do with leaving the kids home alone for long periods of time, particularly Em, since she's younger. I did the century while both kids were out of town with Kathy and Ted. (My butt hurt after the century.... I remember that too!)

Anyhow, back to the present -- today I went swimming. I've been tired swimming too, and today I enjoyed it more than I have been, which is a success. (I drag myself through the mile if I'm too tired to enjoy it -- no quitting!) My arm and scar stopped hurting after 13 lengths -- a 5th of a mile. I was warned about the tightness -- it's post radiation shrinkage trying to restrict my motion. It will fail. I think I can conquer it swimming, without the need for PT, though if I need PT I will do that. I'd prefer to avoid it though because aside from the fact that I just spent over $2000 on my mouth, I'm maxing out on medical appointments. I mean even for interpreting jobs I have asked if I can have school meetings instead for awhile. I prefer them anyway, but there aren't as many to be had as medical appointments.

It's hard for me to judge where I'm at in the recovery process because I'm living with myself all the time, but I asked Joan and Rosa what they thought during a break in yesterday's bike ride. (Only Joan and Rosa and Alice and I rode the whole ride, and Alice didn't know me before chemo.) Both Joan and Rosa agreed that I was faster and stronger before, & that I am still recovering. I thought so, but I'm comparing myself to them, and they are not static either..... Rosa is training for the senior olympics! In fact, the only reason why I was able to mostly keep up with her yesterday was that her trainer had scheduled her for an easy week last week. :-D (I did mention that she's 72 or 3, right? My role model.....)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Another Cancer Story

Visited with family this weekend in NJ, for the wedding of a cousin of Alan's. It was great, neat people. There were a couple of old friends of cousin Lois there, who reminded me somehow of BarryGLennSandiDavid. At first I thought they were married, because they so obviously had this longtime relationship -- but no, they were old friends from high school! They were very interesting. It wasn't until today that I found out that the guy had lost his wife to breast cancer. It's such a common cancer, it shouldn't really surprise me; I always know that when people have lost someone female to cancer there's a pretty good chance it's going to have been breast cancer. Course it may be that more people who know a woman with breast cancer know a live one, which is more encouraging -- except that of course their stories are still being told...... so I can't really know what will happen to them either......

Anyway I had heard enough about this man's story to feel for him and his loss while I was hearing the story, but there was also this voice in the back of my head making note of the similarities and differences between my story and the story he told. HIs wife was diagnosed at stage 3, like me, and had a mastectomy and adjuvent therapy -- but the chemo came after the surgery, as it used to all the time. (Now chemo is generally given first when it's later stage, certainly stages 3-4, but even late stage 2. Maybe they will eventually come to decide that it works better to give chemo first at any stage....but the impression I had was that when this woman was being treated for breast cancer the idea of having chemo at ALL was new. But that can't be right, can it?) I had chemo before surgery -- which is a relatively new idea, and probably better. Also different chemos. And finally, it's been awhile -- she was diagnosed in 1980. (But who the hell knows?)

She was diagnosed when her kids were 2 and 7. SHe did all right for almost 10 yrs, but then it was suddenly found to have metastasized. She lived til the kids were 12 and 18. Yesterday I had heard this man's story of losing his father to the nazis in the war, and escaping to the US with his mom, who'd been thrust into single parenthood. Today when I heard his story about his wife I thought about him being thrust into single parenthood too, after he'd moved to a safe place and put together a nice life with a family. So unfair.