Today my biking friend Nancy saw my growth of hair underneath my helmet (which was surprising in itself!) and when I told her I was at the level of three peaches she said I was way past that, more like a coconut!
Man, she thinks on her feet -- and she didn't even grow up around coconuts. I did. She's right, my hair growth is JUST about like a coconut now.
It was such a good analogy that I think of a coconut when I look in the mirror now ..... Maybe Em will help me get a new picture later and get it onto the computer. That's right -- she knows how and I don't. It's a good division of labor, though, and I am not motivated to mess with it. If I don't learn before she goes to college I'll ask her to teach me. I have a few years though.....
:-) Nadine
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
small relapse and back to school planning
well I am a little feverish again this evening, but no aches. Guess it will take a little back and forth before it's all gone. I was tired today -- not REAL tired but a little tired -- more like lazy than tired. I ignored it and took the dog for a 4 mile walk, which didn't revive me -- but I went swimming anyway. Mostly I did it because yesterday I had wanted to do more than I had time to do and had promised myself I could do it today.
I was fine while I did those things, just not real fast and furious -- which is a little unusual, but I thought..... 3/4 through the chemo, cumulative effect.....but apparently that wasn't it, because after I got home I felt a little feverish. Not THAT feverish; I had to take a hot bath to bring it up. (That's the point of fevers, right, to cook the bugs out?) It got all the way up to 100.2, then came down to 99.5, and after I had had enough heat (an hour?) I took a couple of advils.
BTW my doctor knows about this "low grade viral" thing and thinks I should be able to handle it without interrupting my chemo. My white blood count was up to 5.3 last Thursday before chemo, which is in the normal range -- towards the bottom but coming up.
SO maybe I will get some sleep out of this -- if I get to bed soon. My in laws are leaving by 10am so I can't sleep too late; I don't want to miss saying goodbye!
And then on Tuesday the kids start school. Em's at a new middle school where no one from her elementary school class will be. We met the teachers last Thursday (and I had to go to Georgetown twice to fit THAT in) and they seem very nice. They were apparently willing to come meet with us for no very big reason except to reassure us that they seem human..... I mean I asked them to meet with me on the 28th after orientation because I couldn't do the regularly scheduled meeting on the 21st, but I'm not sure they were ALL going to be at that meeting.
Matthew is going to be starting 10th grade. We have never managed him much because he has always done such a nice job managing himself. And the flip side of that is that when that's the way it usually is for years, and then problems DO arise you don't have much of a history of imposing any kind of rules, and that's hard too...... At the end of last year he started staying up too late and having trouble getting up in the morning. Over the summer we let him do the vampire thing if he wanted, because he didn't have to get up in the morning, and if ever he was going to enjoy staying up all night I figured that was the time! Now I have suggested that he start going to bed earlier so it's not such a shock next week, but how he handles that transition is up to him. What is not up to him is that I am going to make sure that screen time is over by 10pm on school nights -- I have warned him about this. I might give him a little extra on Monday night, since he starts later the first day. (They let the new freshmen have the school to themselves for the first couple of hours or so on the first day.) I sure hope Alan will help me with this...... BTW the only way to enforce the screentime OFF time is to take the computer away, which thank goodness is a laptop. This one I like to use isn't, but he doesn' t like to use the mac. I am not looking forward to it -- HE doesn't mind strife, but I do -- so this will be hard for me.
So there's a confession -- with all this cancer going on in fact my struggles are mostly of the ordinary variety......
I was fine while I did those things, just not real fast and furious -- which is a little unusual, but I thought..... 3/4 through the chemo, cumulative effect.....but apparently that wasn't it, because after I got home I felt a little feverish. Not THAT feverish; I had to take a hot bath to bring it up. (That's the point of fevers, right, to cook the bugs out?) It got all the way up to 100.2, then came down to 99.5, and after I had had enough heat (an hour?) I took a couple of advils.
BTW my doctor knows about this "low grade viral" thing and thinks I should be able to handle it without interrupting my chemo. My white blood count was up to 5.3 last Thursday before chemo, which is in the normal range -- towards the bottom but coming up.
SO maybe I will get some sleep out of this -- if I get to bed soon. My in laws are leaving by 10am so I can't sleep too late; I don't want to miss saying goodbye!
And then on Tuesday the kids start school. Em's at a new middle school where no one from her elementary school class will be. We met the teachers last Thursday (and I had to go to Georgetown twice to fit THAT in) and they seem very nice. They were apparently willing to come meet with us for no very big reason except to reassure us that they seem human..... I mean I asked them to meet with me on the 28th after orientation because I couldn't do the regularly scheduled meeting on the 21st, but I'm not sure they were ALL going to be at that meeting.
Matthew is going to be starting 10th grade. We have never managed him much because he has always done such a nice job managing himself. And the flip side of that is that when that's the way it usually is for years, and then problems DO arise you don't have much of a history of imposing any kind of rules, and that's hard too...... At the end of last year he started staying up too late and having trouble getting up in the morning. Over the summer we let him do the vampire thing if he wanted, because he didn't have to get up in the morning, and if ever he was going to enjoy staying up all night I figured that was the time! Now I have suggested that he start going to bed earlier so it's not such a shock next week, but how he handles that transition is up to him. What is not up to him is that I am going to make sure that screen time is over by 10pm on school nights -- I have warned him about this. I might give him a little extra on Monday night, since he starts later the first day. (They let the new freshmen have the school to themselves for the first couple of hours or so on the first day.) I sure hope Alan will help me with this...... BTW the only way to enforce the screentime OFF time is to take the computer away, which thank goodness is a laptop. This one I like to use isn't, but he doesn' t like to use the mac. I am not looking forward to it -- HE doesn't mind strife, but I do -- so this will be hard for me.
So there's a confession -- with all this cancer going on in fact my struggles are mostly of the ordinary variety......
Much better now
The body aches seem to have ended, as has the sleep orgy (sigh.....that part of it was nice!) Last time I took advil was Thursday while waiting for chemo. The aches haven't returned yet. I was relieved that it lasted only 6 days rather than the 2 weeks the doctor predicted. (I wasn't very sick -- but still I can't remember when I've last been any kind of sick for two weeks!) It's usually only 2-3 days, unless I catch it on the day of onset and make it go away before it comes -- so I'm claiming chemo inspired delays in this case.
Now if only I could figure out how to do that with cancer I'd be golden. I don't have any practice, is the thing..... Plus, Alan points out that cancer is not exactly foreign to the body - which must make it harder to recognize as a problem. Still it oughtta be possible. I used to delay my ovulation (back when I ovulated at all!) because, according to a naturopath I used to see, I didn't like PMS. I also remember making a contraction go away during Matthew's birth. I was lucky enough to have them 5 minutes apart, even at pushing time, and ONE came in only a couple of minutes, before I was ready, so I willed it away.
WOuldn't you think with that kind of history I oughtta be able to figure out how to make the cancer go away and not come back?
Now if only I could figure out how to do that with cancer I'd be golden. I don't have any practice, is the thing..... Plus, Alan points out that cancer is not exactly foreign to the body - which must make it harder to recognize as a problem. Still it oughtta be possible. I used to delay my ovulation (back when I ovulated at all!) because, according to a naturopath I used to see, I didn't like PMS. I also remember making a contraction go away during Matthew's birth. I was lucky enough to have them 5 minutes apart, even at pushing time, and ONE came in only a couple of minutes, before I was ready, so I willed it away.
WOuldn't you think with that kind of history I oughtta be able to figure out how to make the cancer go away and not come back?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Actually maybe I'm sick.
Well I checked in with my doctor last night, and I think I'm going to go with the low grade viral illness guess. She (the doctor, my oncologist) said that while myalgia happens with taxol sometimes, it's generally not a cumulative effect. It's like, you get the taxol, you go home, and then you ache. And it gets better eventually and next week you go do it again and it happens again. That's not what happened to me, though.
Also Alan reminded me where I might have gotten exposed to an illness.... which was the other part of the mystery. When I went to pick him up at the airport on Friday afternoon he gave me a big kiss and told me AFTERwards that he hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days. (Duh!) I started getting body aches on Saturday. (And he's a biologist..... I guess he forgot about the breast cancer and the infection risk for a moment....?????) He's kind of under the weather too -- but it's not so obvious as when I am, because of, uh, our different personalities. And he's been thinking what he has is allergies -- since he got back. But maybe not.
Makes me grumble -- after all our hard work keeping me away from sick people ALL SUMMER! At least this time I have enough of a white count to fight it. But I don't want to feel so tired that I need to stay home and sleep in on a beautiful biking day for two weeks...... That's what Dr. L said; we won't know for sure what it is until it goes away in two weeks, or doesn't. I've never been sick for two weeks! Well I did stay home and sleep in today, and skip the bikeride. I'd gone to bed at 11pm and got up at 10:30am, with only a brief interruption to send an email about not going on the ride.
Anyway I'm on advil now -- she okayed the advil too -- so I'm going to go walk the dog. It just makes me mad -- all summer I've had so much energy despite the chemo, and been so careful to not get sick, and one screwup pulled my plug, so I'm tired all the time now. And it wasn't even MY screwup!
Also Alan reminded me where I might have gotten exposed to an illness.... which was the other part of the mystery. When I went to pick him up at the airport on Friday afternoon he gave me a big kiss and told me AFTERwards that he hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days. (Duh!) I started getting body aches on Saturday. (And he's a biologist..... I guess he forgot about the breast cancer and the infection risk for a moment....?????) He's kind of under the weather too -- but it's not so obvious as when I am, because of, uh, our different personalities. And he's been thinking what he has is allergies -- since he got back. But maybe not.
Makes me grumble -- after all our hard work keeping me away from sick people ALL SUMMER! At least this time I have enough of a white count to fight it. But I don't want to feel so tired that I need to stay home and sleep in on a beautiful biking day for two weeks...... That's what Dr. L said; we won't know for sure what it is until it goes away in two weeks, or doesn't. I've never been sick for two weeks! Well I did stay home and sleep in today, and skip the bikeride. I'd gone to bed at 11pm and got up at 10:30am, with only a brief interruption to send an email about not going on the ride.
Anyway I'm on advil now -- she okayed the advil too -- so I'm going to go walk the dog. It just makes me mad -- all summer I've had so much energy despite the chemo, and been so careful to not get sick, and one screwup pulled my plug, so I'm tired all the time now. And it wasn't even MY screwup!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Myalgia?
I'm getting body aches. It's not serious, but feels like the day before onset of a viral illness. I've felt it before; I don't think I've been exposed to anything other than mosquitoes (which would be bad this year!) but I think it's not onset because it's been at this level pretty much all weekend except when I've been on advil. Advil works great -- but not sure it's a brilliant idea to take it all the time. (Have to ask the doctor about that one.) Alan did find "myalgia" listed as a possible side effect of taxol, so that's what I'm thinking is going on.
It's a rare symptom, and I'm counting my blessings, because neuropathy* is a common side effect, and so far I've been managing to avoid it. (*tingling, numbness & lack of feeling in fingers and toes.) Sometimes it lasts for months after the taxol has been discontinued. Sometimes it lasts forever and makes it hard to write and stuff. I have a feeling that keeping moving (heavy duty exercise) should help avoid it because of all the blood circulating...... so I'm doing my best with that. (Course I'm just making this up as I go along. That's what the doctors do, after all.... they're just better informed -- about SOME things.)
THIS thing I think I should be able to manage -- I think the problem is I have conditioned myself to think that when I feel this way I should take a hot bath and go to sleep for 12 hours to chase the virus away before it catches. (I don't like getting sick; usually I have been able to avoid it. Too bad all my tricks are for avoiding infectious illnesses......) So I keep thinking I need to rest....... I spoze more rest wouldn't hurt me, but yesterday it really didn't make me feel any better (which made me thing it might be my first proven taste of "chemo fatigue!") whereas advil-walking-swimming did. Today I took advil, but did a less serious walk and didn't swim, and the aches came back in the evening. Maybe I will make it a point to swim tomorrow.
I didn't swim today because we went berry picking and came home and did dinner and the pool closes earlier on Sundays so I ran out of time. I had no body aches while picking, though -- I out picked everyone else as usual and got herded off of the blackberry field and drove us home and didn't feel a THING until we got here. (Maybe I should get out more?)
It's a rare symptom, and I'm counting my blessings, because neuropathy* is a common side effect, and so far I've been managing to avoid it. (*tingling, numbness & lack of feeling in fingers and toes.) Sometimes it lasts for months after the taxol has been discontinued. Sometimes it lasts forever and makes it hard to write and stuff. I have a feeling that keeping moving (heavy duty exercise) should help avoid it because of all the blood circulating...... so I'm doing my best with that. (Course I'm just making this up as I go along. That's what the doctors do, after all.... they're just better informed -- about SOME things.)
THIS thing I think I should be able to manage -- I think the problem is I have conditioned myself to think that when I feel this way I should take a hot bath and go to sleep for 12 hours to chase the virus away before it catches. (I don't like getting sick; usually I have been able to avoid it. Too bad all my tricks are for avoiding infectious illnesses......) So I keep thinking I need to rest....... I spoze more rest wouldn't hurt me, but yesterday it really didn't make me feel any better (which made me thing it might be my first proven taste of "chemo fatigue!") whereas advil-walking-swimming did. Today I took advil, but did a less serious walk and didn't swim, and the aches came back in the evening. Maybe I will make it a point to swim tomorrow.
I didn't swim today because we went berry picking and came home and did dinner and the pool closes earlier on Sundays so I ran out of time. I had no body aches while picking, though -- I out picked everyone else as usual and got herded off of the blackberry field and drove us home and didn't feel a THING until we got here. (Maybe I should get out more?)
Friday, August 22, 2008
trouble sleeping
I've been having trouble sleeping through the night. SOmetimes the gas is part of the problem, but sometimes I'm just awake.... not even stressed, just awake. The other night I woke up at 4am and lay in bed planning an elaborate breakfast. Then I finally got back to sleep, and of course was way too sleepy in the morning to make any of the great food I'd planned!
The fitness oncologist said it's a menopause symptom. I didn't even ASK her about it and she told me -- I thought, what, am I wearing a sign? She said it's common. I am guessing that it's going to be more pronounced for people with chemo induced menopause, because the hormone levels drop for us abruptly, and we need to encourage that.
ANyway the solution for me has been more exercise, and no days off. I used to take a couple of days off a week, but now I find that when I do that I have too much trouble sleeping the night after and then I'm wiped out the next day -- and what kind of day off is THAT ?!
Also I wonder if the steroid I get before the taxol does something that makes it hard for me to sleep. I have no experience with steroids, but maybe that could happen....??? I jsut think that it should be possible for me to bike only 12 miles in a day (to and from chemo) and sleep at night -- but I couldn't get to sleep last night until 4am. Then I got up early to bike. I could have slept in instead, but then I would have had a worse time sleeping tonight, right?
I thought of it because I was remembering how when I was on Adriamycin & Cytoxan, which made me feel queasy, I slept great -- for a whole weekend with no workouts! Who knew I would miss the stuff.....
The fitness oncologist said it's a menopause symptom. I didn't even ASK her about it and she told me -- I thought, what, am I wearing a sign? She said it's common. I am guessing that it's going to be more pronounced for people with chemo induced menopause, because the hormone levels drop for us abruptly, and we need to encourage that.
ANyway the solution for me has been more exercise, and no days off. I used to take a couple of days off a week, but now I find that when I do that I have too much trouble sleeping the night after and then I'm wiped out the next day -- and what kind of day off is THAT ?!
Also I wonder if the steroid I get before the taxol does something that makes it hard for me to sleep. I have no experience with steroids, but maybe that could happen....??? I jsut think that it should be possible for me to bike only 12 miles in a day (to and from chemo) and sleep at night -- but I couldn't get to sleep last night until 4am. Then I got up early to bike. I could have slept in instead, but then I would have had a worse time sleeping tonight, right?
I thought of it because I was remembering how when I was on Adriamycin & Cytoxan, which made me feel queasy, I slept great -- for a whole weekend with no workouts! Who knew I would miss the stuff.....
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Halfway through Taxol
... which means I'm 3/4 through my chemo!
I'm well. I was tired yesterday, but I don't think it was the chemo. I had walked the dog 4 miles and swum a mile the night before (Em was at a sleepover and everyone else was gone -- so I made it my business to do stuff I like to do that I can't, usually! I even ate fish for dinner, which Em hates, with old Led Zeppelin records playing, which ALan hates - before the walk and swim.) And then I woke up and went on a 34 mile bikeride, because I had planned to and it was a beautiful day. HOnestly, I struggled a bit on the ride. I had meant to eat a better breakfast but hadn't, and got hungry before we even got to the bread store...... had to "sample" two slices. But it was too nice a day to miss -- I was COLD on the way out -- in DC in August!!!
Next THursday is going to be interesting. I have a doctor's appt at 9 and then I have to be back near home for Em's middle school orientation at 11 and to meet with teachers. Then I go BACK to G-town for chemo in the afternoon. Let's see how THAT works! I did try to get the middle school orientation schedule at the beginning of the summer so I could change one or two chemos to Friday if necessary...... but of course they didn't know then. I was lucky I was able to change next Thursday's to afternoon.
Thanks to everyone who posted comments and sent emails. I got about half and half (half the comments here and half via email.) All the emails said that google gave them trouble posting comments.... why am I not surprised? At least my explanation helped one person (yay Bill!)
Thanks for everything, everyone. I'm not done trying to get more chemo -- or hormone therapy earlier or whatever. I have to call the Mayo and talk to the oncologist I saw when we were there in April, who did a really nice job helping me comb through the options and make my own decision. It's just harder now because even if he thinks what I'm interested in doing is reasonable he (or I) will still have to convince my G-town doctor to do it -- becauseI can't just pack up my life and move to Rochester MN for a month. My doctor here is very good but I am missing that part where she understands that it's MY BODY and MY LIFE so I have the final say. I mean it may be that ultimately she is right, but I need to decide that for myself, not just do it because she says so -- and I am not there yet. (I know a great eye doctor in Boston who could teach her a thing or two.)
I'm well. I was tired yesterday, but I don't think it was the chemo. I had walked the dog 4 miles and swum a mile the night before (Em was at a sleepover and everyone else was gone -- so I made it my business to do stuff I like to do that I can't, usually! I even ate fish for dinner, which Em hates, with old Led Zeppelin records playing, which ALan hates - before the walk and swim.) And then I woke up and went on a 34 mile bikeride, because I had planned to and it was a beautiful day. HOnestly, I struggled a bit on the ride. I had meant to eat a better breakfast but hadn't, and got hungry before we even got to the bread store...... had to "sample" two slices. But it was too nice a day to miss -- I was COLD on the way out -- in DC in August!!!
Next THursday is going to be interesting. I have a doctor's appt at 9 and then I have to be back near home for Em's middle school orientation at 11 and to meet with teachers. Then I go BACK to G-town for chemo in the afternoon. Let's see how THAT works! I did try to get the middle school orientation schedule at the beginning of the summer so I could change one or two chemos to Friday if necessary...... but of course they didn't know then. I was lucky I was able to change next Thursday's to afternoon.
Thanks to everyone who posted comments and sent emails. I got about half and half (half the comments here and half via email.) All the emails said that google gave them trouble posting comments.... why am I not surprised? At least my explanation helped one person (yay Bill!)
Thanks for everything, everyone. I'm not done trying to get more chemo -- or hormone therapy earlier or whatever. I have to call the Mayo and talk to the oncologist I saw when we were there in April, who did a really nice job helping me comb through the options and make my own decision. It's just harder now because even if he thinks what I'm interested in doing is reasonable he (or I) will still have to convince my G-town doctor to do it -- becauseI can't just pack up my life and move to Rochester MN for a month. My doctor here is very good but I am missing that part where she understands that it's MY BODY and MY LIFE so I have the final say. I mean it may be that ultimately she is right, but I need to decide that for myself, not just do it because she says so -- and I am not there yet. (I know a great eye doctor in Boston who could teach her a thing or two.)
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