swimming

I'm halfway through week 4 -- so I have 2.5 weeks left. So far so good, though Alan and Em agree that it's not pretty. It's a bit spotty and red I guess, and if I touch it in the middle of my chest it feels a bit itchy. Also, when I roll over to sleep face down it bothers me sometimes, so I've started using that pillow I got in the hospital (moon shaped) that i used to sleep fact down soon after the surgery. It works well.

I'm also still using vitamin E oil and the stuff Janet sent me on the chest site, and washing my chest in the morning before I go in -- since I think those things help my skin heal, and the doc is worried about the oil making me burn more.

SOmetimes bras hurt, but only tight ones -- so I'm wearing mostly large and extra large ones now. Sports bras, these are -- it turns out all sizes fit -- everything from small to XL. (I figured this out when target was having a clearance on their brightly colored sports bras.) The cool thing about sports bras are, they fit any size breast -- or non breast! And the two sides of the chest don't have to match; I don't have to wear anything on my right side for the bra to look fine. I think it looks quite nice -- I think people are just used to women looking symmetrical. So now I'm not symmetrical. People will get used to it. I got used to wearing mismatched earrings -- which was hard at first! And now the mismatched earrings go rather nicely with the lopsided chest! Course.... if I had realized I would be losing my right breast maybe I would have had the extra two piercings done in my right ear to balance it out -- so I'd have more earrings where the chest is flat Now I'm left-side heavy, both boob and earrings. It's not really noticeable though.

ANyway -- today I saw the radiation onc. He said that if he were in my situation he'd stop swimming now. He can see that I feel fine, though, and he knew just looking at me that I'm not ready to give up swimming. I will keep an open mind, and watch the skin for breaks..... I think he likes my spirit....

I have this stubborn voice in my head. People said I might not be able to bike through chemo, and the voice said, just watch me. Now I am hearing that maybe I should stop swimming..... and I'm thinking, maybe not.

Probably should go to bed, though. Going....