Kathy and Ted are coming

The hard thing this week has been fitting in anything normal like cooking, shopping, and hanging out with the kids. I have chemo scheduled to start next week but we may also go with John's Hopkins instead -- that appt is also next week. It's still possible I'll have the surgery first -- but I think probably not. Sooooo.... my in laws are on their way. They will be here a week...... hopefully after that we will have made a decision as to care and the kids will be a bit more self sufficient. My mother in law is much better than we are at teaching kids to fish rather than just giving them the fish......

Meanwhile I have a PET/CT scan early tomorrow -- that's to check & see if the cancer is anyplace else in my body. I feel like I want to ask for prayers or something ("or something" is more my style) but in fact the cancer is where it is, as Alan said last night, and I want it found. I just don't want it to be anywhere else. (On the other hand if anyone knows any tumor shrinking prayers... those I would love to have.)

I won't know til Wednesday though, and in the meatime we go to John's Hopkins on Monday -- after the scan -- and have to make a decision about whether to keep the appt at the Mayo on Wednesday before we know if the cancer is stage 3 or 4. (It's 3, not 2, according to the info Lynn sent -- THANK YOU LYNN!!!) Alan thinks 3A. The oncologist was calling it "localized advanced," seems to be another way to say stage 3.

Meanwhile I'm tired already, and haven't even started the chemo. Tired on a weekend! That's so unusual, but I think I know why. I'm sleeping better now, but I have cut a few things from my diet..... Alan started looking up herbs and supplements after i was diagnosed, and found questions about some of them. So -- while I will never know what caused the cancer, I need to do what I can to avoid helping it grow..... and I need to remember that it feels bigger now because I have ovulated, and it always feels bigger after I ovulate.

See I've been feeling this "tumor" for a long time. I thought it was a fibrocyst. It IS a fibrocyst -- the cancer got all mixed up in a fibrocyst...... at this point it's like the cancer ATE the fibrocyst. It always hurts at this time of month. I hope it doesn't really grow every month with ovulation, but I do hear it feeds on estrogen. Some cancer patients have their ovaries out...... (now why does the idea of that bother me more than the mastectomy?)

Anyway my theory about being tired is that I stopped drinking Yerba Mate. I'd been drinking it for years, every morning. It's great. I didn't realize it had a wake up effect til Phil told me.... because it doesn't KEEP you up, either. But it does kinda clean out the cobwebs from the corners of my mind.... wel it did. But Alan found it seems to be linked to some kinds of cancer -- not breast, but not a good idea anyway.

I'm going to be making some changes to my diet. I'm going to be even harder to feed now. I haven't quite figured it out yet myself -- I've dropped a little weight.

My kids are acting out. Think they're maybe feeling a little neglected? I'm so glad Kathy and Ted are coming! The best day Em's had since my diagnosis was the day Vickie took her out for the afternoon. For Matthew I am very thankful to the Washington-Lee High JV baseball team, where he spends every afternoon after school until 6:30 (when there's no game -- much later when there's a game) and every saturday 10-12:30 -- or more if there's a game. He loves baseball.

Thank you everybody for everything you are doing. I'm going to go finish breakfast now so I'm ready to go for a walk when Joan gets here.