gross water -- and no travelling

I finished adriamycin & cytoxan last thursday, and not a moment too soon..... on the 2nd to last treatment I was sucking on ice (during the adriamycin push) and it was yucchy. I get almost nauseous just thinking about it. It's been hard to drink water, eat popsicles, or swim, because of the gross taste of the water. (I swam today anyway. No problem with the energy but it sure tasted gross, and it's hard to keep water out of your mouth entirely when you're IN it for almost an hour!) No other taste issues, but water is a biggie! At my last chemo my friend Joan put the rest of my ice, which had melted, into her water, and said she didn't like it either. She knew I had a big problem with it, but I had thought it was the chemo-taste thing I'd been warned about. Well I mean it was -- because I am not picky about food and tastes like this usually. (Usually all my food issues are about body reactions, but I like how it tastes.) However, I was surprised to hear that it bothered her too.

Ugh. I need to write about something else now.

I start taxol in 2 weeks. That will be every week for 12. I am hearing such mixed reviews about it!!! My oncologist says there is really no nausea with taxol. Now why do I think that means she will not give me the anti nausea stuff and then it will be worse..... My nausea has been really not too bad, but it's been "really not too bad" for 5 days every 3 weeks. I keep feeling like I should start getting over it sooner, but that's not how it works! (it's the opposite -- the effect is cumulative -- but I'm impatient.)

I am feeling a bit sad that I won't be able to travel this summer. I feel well enough and I miss all the people I usually see in the summer!!! I could have traveled now, or earlier, in one of these 3 week gaps as long as my white count is up..... happened twice, when my white count got low enough that I needed neulasta shots and then it went way up. (Okay, that has only happened once so far -- the 2nd time is in the making, I'm assuming -- I had the shot on Friday.) However, my mom is here, and it's been really nice visiting with her - I can't remember the last time we had such a long nice relaxed visit. And how many more times will we be able to do this again? (it's not actually my mortality I'm thinking about here..... I found out early on in my treatment that a number of my friends have lost their mothers -- and these friends are not older than me!)

Anyway summer is really just starting and in a minute (that's a 2.5 week minute) I'm really not going to have gaps in treatment that are long enough to travel until October -- by which time my kids will be back in school and not have more than 2 or occasionally 3 days off. Then in December I will be having daily radiation....... Oh well, hopefully I will continue to feel well enough to enjoy biking and swimming (despite the taste) and my time with the people who have been able to come visit!

Walking is out today, though, despite the beautiful weather. Pinky is sick. I took my dog for a 4 mile walk yesterday and kept walking despite the fact that it started raining 10 mins into the walk. I figured it was warm out, and if I could do it with a low white count she'd be fine. Well she's not fine....... She wouldn't walk with Alan this morning, and this afternoon when I took her out she turned around after we got around the corner. I took her to the vet...... I know she looked fine to those who had never met her, but the calm well behaved dog I saw at the vet was not my dog. (Maybe in 10 years when she's old she will behave like that.) Sure enough she had a temp of 104°. He gave her fluids and doggy advil and doggy antibiotics that no one could get her to take but me. (She bared her teeth to the vet technician who tried. I guess an unknown person could have been giving her poison....) I just pried her mouth open and popped it in, and she swallowed it. (I tried the moldy cheese trick first -- when she's well she likes moldy cheese....) Alan blames himself for her illness because the day before yesterday he gave her a hose bath outside. (It was really hot.) I brought a bucket of warm water, and they dried her well -- but she came inside where we had the AC on after that. It was set at 78°, but maybe we should have kept her outside longer.

See now that's sick. People sometimes refer to me as sick, but I don't feel sick. I don't look sick. (I look bald, but I don't look sick......) When I do feel sick it's in reaction to a medication. I feel hot sometimes....... probably hot flashes (a few years early but who's counting?) I prefer to think I have an invader. Nice healthy body with a foreign invader. Probably my body noticed the newcomer and moved over to give it a seat..... I'm trying to give it the message, we're moving over the George Bush way of treating newcomers.... get RID of them! (much more appropriate for cancer than immigrants, don't you think?)